Finally am able to start writing on my new posting. Boy….am so glad Chinese New Year's finally here. Although it’s just the fourth day of New Year but am so, so glad that the preparation is done. It’s amazing how the Chinese goes all the way out to prepare for the New Year celebration.
There’s this Chinese proverb that states that all creations are reborn on New Year’s Day. Hence, the Chinese New Year is a celebration of change ... out with the old and in with the new!
Hardcore Chinese believe that events that occurred during the New Year celebration may impact their life for the rest of the year. So during the New Year, be more careful with your speech, actions, even your thoughts. Not only that, the type of food you eat is important too. That’s why there’s abundance of good food during New Year. Red is auspicious, represents prosperity, which is why some believe that all red, even the underwear will starts the New Year prosperous. And surround your house with colours of red, gold or yellow to stimulate positive energy all around you and your family.
Everything associated with the New Year must represent good fortune. To single people, good fortune may mean love and romance. Good fortune may mean good grades to students, children for families, jobs for the unemployed and health for the sick.
Well, all that’s done now and as I start reflecting on this yearly’s tradition, I recall all the patience I had to put up with the spouse. It’s just amazing how the different attracts when one is dating. Why, I believe it’s because the opposite is all that you are not. So it is kind of fascinating to hear about all the things this other person is doing which are just not you! And during courtship, one is blinded to all those little ‘hints’ of incompatibility. So couples dated, engaged, married and settled into their little love nest. Well, maybe for the first few years, it’s still honeymoon period. But slowly, but surely all the ‘incompatibilities’ start surfacing.
For me, it’s as simple as how I decorate the flowers in a vase. I arranged a nice vase of flowers on the dining table. An hour later after I had showered, checked some emails; I found that my flowers had been changed in to two vases. His method of arranging flowers and my method is totally different. It’s just amazing how one sees things differently by just arranging a vase of flowers. He likes it arranged sparsely so he split the one vase of flowers in to two vases as he felt the flowers look too ‘packed’ in one vase!
Similarly on how we hanged those cute, auspicious decorative items on the cherry blossom plant. I would hang lots of it all around the plant. Two hours later, he will take half of it out. He said looks too cluttered!
It really drives me up the wall that such a minor stuffs which are not at all a man’s role should irritates me so much. I would assume that these kind of nitty gritty stuffs be left to women to handle. But looks like he wants to meddle in to all these small stuffs too. And it makes me feels like I can’t do things my way at all.
I have a friend, Jane who had almost the same kind of incompatibility with the husband, Jim. Jim would usually asked, “What do you think if we rearrange the furniture by moving this sofas around so that the TV now is on the opposite?” Jane would look at it and commented, “It looks good as it is now. The TV would look odd at the opposite side, as the space is too big. Let’s just leave it.” And with that Jane thought that’s it. Don’t move. By evening when Jane comes home from office, guess what? The furnitures’ moved. Jane fumed. It’s just an instant reaction I supposed. Jane matched up to Jim, “I thought we don’t move cos it really looks odd with the sofas now all crammed over this side.” Jim defended, “I just want to see how it actually looks, I just can’t visualized it when you said that. Ok, no problem, I move it back.” And so after a hard day’s work, after cooking and dinner, Jane has to rearrange all her living room stuffs.
And it seems to have got worse, now he’s even stepping into her territory. He starts rearranging all the stuffs in her kitchen cabinets! Jane is still very patient although she’s damn upset that her opinion does not matter as far as Jim’s concerned. And in her mind, she’s just waiting for her kids to grow, so that she can start living her own life. Arranging her house the way she likes.
Do you have any stories to share of your other half “quirks”? Share your story to all our friends here. And it need not necessary be the women as men too would want to have their say, am sure.
my husband don't seems to know how to eat without dropping rice, food around his bowl or on the floor. Am so sick of it. I guess at 60, you can't changed that now.
ReplyDeleteMine, he just had to wait till the eve of Chinese New Year to cut the grass, prune the plants. To touch up some painting on the gate. Why can't he do it earlier. And then we be fighting over the maid as I need the maid to help me to cook. I get so damn irritated. But I controlled myself cos it's eve and just don't want to spoil the mood but yet it happen again and again for the past 15 years!
ReplyDeleteYou should see my mum. Clean freak. She'll take a ladder and wiped the walls from top to bottom. She still lives in kampung house that's make of half wood and bricks. Chinese New Year is stressful for us cos mum be scolding and nagging up to the New Year day. That's when she'll keep quiet cos suppose to speak nice things on New Year's day.
ReplyDeleteAm blessed with husband that does almost everything. I just need to take care of the kitchen and he cleans the rest. Chinese New Year's a joy cos we somehow gets closer, working towards one objective in mind.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many customs and beliefs and I really am freaked out about all the customs. My mum-in-law has already instilled these beliefs into my husband. I can't believe he's still believe on not using any sharp things or sweeping on New Year's day, not even vacuuming. I told him at least vacuum and not sweep, so good luck be maintained inside the house...but no. I remembered the first few years of our marriage, how upset I was during New Year. Now I try to accept it. He's still not changing when the world is already changing.
ReplyDeleteAm so blessed. Still single. These makes me all the more convinced I should not get married.
ReplyDeleteIn my thirties, I decided not to allow little things to get in my way of happiness. I brought corporate management into my homelife. I drew up a work schedule for the home. Now we are back to 2 person home. He does his own laundry. I do mine. When he cooks, I clean up after the meal. When I cook, he cleans up even though it may be 5 hours later. We have clear departments: He is responsible for the garage, the garbage, the garden and backyard. I take care what's inside the house, with scheduled cleaners. Every morning, he makes me the first cup of coffee and I prep the breakfast. Why would women want to do everything themselves their way...and forget to involve their father, husbands and sons.
ReplyDeleteYou are so blessed Connie, that both of you have such a clear understanding. To others, sometimes we just have to see things in a different way and give blessings for all the other good things we had. There's never a perfect combination. And it takes two to work on it. Someone told me before "If we can spend so much time preparing, drawing up roles and timeline for a project, why don't we do the same for our marriage. Take it as a project and work on it towards a common objective". Personally not convinced it should be in this way as already we are stressed at work and at home still need to do a 'project'! More stressed, more sufferings...:-)
ReplyDeleteMy wife's the weird clean freak. I don't know how I put up with her. She follows me around with a dishcloth. I put a glass on the table, take it to kitchen and she would immediately wipe the table. I took my socks off when I came home, she would immediately pick it to the laundry, put my shoes on the rack and wipe the spot where my shoes are. If I just as much as cook an instant noodle, she would spend an hour just to clean it. I can't help but have in mind to move out once my kids are big. I need space! Can anyone blame me?
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting to read the comments. It's no longer a husband not a wife thing. It's just how marriages have evolve to such a stage whereby the spouse gets so particular about every little nitty gritty that the other spouse does n both finds it challenging just to live with one another. How did many of us ended up like that?yet some still live like perfect lovers?
ReplyDeleteMinor things like not putting the cap back on the toothpaste drives me up the wall and this we don't know until we get married.
ReplyDeleteWe are still controlled by our ego and lots of couples "don't air their dirty laundry in public". We all still want to be envied and be seen as having a perfect relationship. But I still believed in that 'perfect lover/relationship' as long both agrees to not let those 'little nitty gritty' upsets one another and be more conscious of each other's preferences. After all if we can be ruled by office regulations, why can't we be ruled by our partner's wishes?
ReplyDeleteYes marriages evolved. And isn't it ironic that during courtship, each would do anything for him/her. Guy would even scold the tree, when she drives your car onto the tree. But once married, your immediate concern would be "the car's ok?" or worst guy scolds her.
ReplyDelete