Don't expect and You won't be disappointed

It's being a while since I have written. It's Valentine today, February 14. At age of 54, Valentine has became a quiet evening, although not that I had lots of celebration before.

Am writing again to pen down my thoughts. As kids grows up, they have somehow became very outspoken individual. Gone are those days of my mom's era where kids do not answer back their parents, even if they are already in their 30s.

My friend went to visit his daughter during the Christmas holiday. For some reason, his daughter told him off that he smelt bad, and that she can't stand to be sitting on the same dining table with him. Even 'if' he really smells bad (which he don't at all), a daughter in her 30s should not have bluntly told the father off.

Would you have tell your friend off if he/she smells bad? No, we will try to be polite, to find a way to tell him/her nicely. We try to be polite. But when it's someone close to us, we do not hesitate at all to tell them off bluntly, without a care for their feelings.

Somehow this incident makes me realised that children in their independence, in their growing up into 30s, 40s, away from parents may turn out to be children that one won't have expect them to become. In this instance, am thinking, could it be because parents have expectation of them? If parents don't have expectations of them then there won't be any disappointment.

In any other circumstances, it's the same - don't expect and you won't be hurt. Just do it willingly and don't expect any reciprocation.

Time Flies

I said this same sentence as everyone else, ‘time flies’. The last quarter of 2014, I was busy with preparation for my daughter’s wedding.

The start of new 2015 was another busy month for me. I spent the whole of January, busy tidying up all that happened during that last quarter. Indulged in a bit of rest and relaxation of spa and massages.

And wow….it’s now February 9th! One month plus has passed in 2015! (That was until I accidentally deleted this post and I am reposting this at the end of 1st quarter now!) So again, isn’t it right to say ‘time flies!’

I had neglected this blog and as I sat down to write, I truly salute friends that can write regularly on their blog as well as managing their career, family, and not to mention the endless chores.

As I now recollect all that I have done in 2014, I would sum it up as a year that I indulged and binged on my favorites – travel, TV shows, and food.

I traveled to Bangalore in March and stayed in a Tibetian Monastery, which I didn’t know it existed until my trip. It was spiritual and enlightening. Thank you for my spiritual friend from Mahabodhi, Leh, Ladakh.

I went to Paris in June with a good friend. Two of us were just nice. From Paris we enroute to Nice, Monaco, Monte Carlo, and Cannes. I definitely vouched for BnB anytime versus staying in hotel in this kind of exotic trip. And I finally made a trip to Versailles; the French history is so rich and fascinating. A visit to Monet’s garden was simply inspiring. Now I know where he got his motivation.

Turkey was a historical trip in October with another group of great buddies. I immersed myself in the rich history of Pamukkale, Canakkale, Cappadocia, Konya, Kusadasi, Safranbolu and Istanbul of course.

I even did a ‘round the North part of Malaysia’ drive. It was a great experience, driving to Penang and crossing from the West to the East to Terengganu via the Grik Highway and staying overnight at this lovely Belum Rainforest Resort with wonderful buddies.

And that’s not to mention my annual destination to Phuket twice and to YTL Pangkor Laut.

I finally got to binge on all those popular TV series - The Sopranos, Scandal, Mad Men, Game of Thrones, The Reign, Walking Dead, Sons of Anarchy and the new Season 4 of the American Horror Story. I even watched again the whole series of 24 and reminisced in the old Dallas TV series. In fact, I finished all the episodes in every season that are released.

I suppose it’s time that I read which I had neglected.

On my children, both my daughters changed to new job whilst am still jobless. And the eldest daughter finally married.

My son’s graduated from High School and is now applying to his preferred Universities. Everyday I pray for good luck in him being accepted into his choice of University.

It’s a blessing that I had also being spending a lot of time with my aging mom & aunties and also my siblings. I enjoyed every moment that I had with them. From just chatting to outings with each other.

Oh, of course, I continue to do my part in charity as and when I can. From participating in raising funs in charity fairs to cooking and distributing food to the homeless.

I also continued writing in my blog and started a new novel via a new app ‘wattpad’. I suppose next now is to continue with my novel.

In parting till the next blog, I would say a big THANK YOU for a wonderful 2014. I had a wonderful and a blessed 2014 and I hope 2015 will continue the same and even better. And to all my fans, friends, families and all, I wish you all the same - a great 2015 for us all.

Life is Short! Don't Wait!

A most shocking news came in this morning. My long time ex-colleague, Foo just passed away last night in New Zealand. How? Because of a stroke!

Foo

He was a healthy man, in his fifties. I followed his activities on Facebook, pictures of him enjoying nature outing trips with family and friends, always looking fit and healthy. And now he’s gone, forever, just like that!

I was glad that I made time to meet up with him with few other ex-colleagues when he came back to Kuala Lumpur recently. This time round, he shared so much with us, on how he moved to New Zealand, the little hardship he faces initially and how it had all paid off. And he was still the same good old jovial Foo.

Rest in peace Foo. May God Bless your Soul. My deepest condolences to your family. They are blessed with a good husband and a good father.

Dad
This news of death brings back memories of all the deaths that had happened recently since my Dad who passed away in December 2013.

(Dad. In his 20s)

My Dad was 85 years old. He was having all the usual old age sickness. By the time, he passed on, he was just lying in bed, unable to walk. All of us - my mom, my sisters, and nieces were all helping in feeding and cleaning him. His mind was still alert and that was the most painful. Knowing that he now can’t walk and move about like he used to makes him irritated sometimes. Especially when he had to depend on others for every little things. Hence, at his age, maybe it was a blessing that he passed on finally.

I don’t have regrets of my Dad passing on as we children had all taken care of him well during his living days. Travel, good food, celebrations at home with family, with his favorite - his grandkids. And Dad enjoys it all.

He had traveled many times to China, his favorite destination. Most importantly he had visited his father’s birthplace - Eng Choon or better known as Yong Chun in Fujian.

My most vivid memory of Dad was I standing beside him at his mahjong table in the village coffee shop. I must be just about aged 6 or 7 years old. I will always looked at the amount of chips he had and if there’s a lot of chips I will whisper to Dad for money to buy sweets. And he will always happily gave to me when he is winning.

Dad, rest in peace. I am happy that we, children had done what we should do – taking care of you at your old age.
Wherever you are, may you have already had a good rebirth.
We love you Dad. Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu.

Cousin Brother - Kim Kui
2 months after my Dad passed away, my cousin sister’s husband, Kim Kui passed away too. He was in his 60s. He was all healthy till he had a sudden mild heart attack where he discovered he had a clogged artery in his heart. Doing a simple operation saved him – a laser blast to unblocked his clogged artery. But somehow after a week or two, he relapsed and he passed away. His too, was most unexpected. My memory of him was when he was a young man in his 20s. He was then pursuing my cousin sister. We as kids were in the advantage as he took care of us well since he was chasing after my cousin sister. He too was a nice jovial guy. My cousin sister, Ah Lian was blessed as he loves her till the end. May God Bless Him. May he Rest In Peace. Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu.

Kow Khim

Just last Saturday, September 13, I attended my Kow Khim’s (9th Aunty) funeral. Her’s too was a sudden death. My aunty was 76 years old. She was my mother’s brother’s wife. She has being having problems with her legs, her spine. But she was still walking and I would say, still healthy.

My memories of my Kow Khim are of her always asking me to eat. My parents worked very hard to feed us. Hence, Mom was too busy to cook. As such I would go to my maternal Grandfather’s house after school for my lunch. In those days, it was a Chinese custom to have few sons living in the same house, despite being married and with kids. Hence, my Grandfather’s house had four of his sons living there with their wives and children. And my memory is always this nice aunty hovering around us kids, making sure that we kids eat.

I was glad that I visited Kow Khim with my mom on a Sunday, just a week before the Moon Cake Festival. Every year I would buy her a box of moon cake. I remember she was her courteous self, always wanting to serve us tea. Always asking if we had our meals. It’s a traditional Chinese custom to always ask, ‘Have you eaten?’ whenever a guest comes to the house. I think it was due to the fact that China in those olden days was very poor. Hence, the polite way of always asking ‘Have you eaten?’

My last memory of Kow Khim was she sitting on a high stool, cooking noodles for his eldest son that Sunday. She was very happy, telling us that his son is coming back to eat. She reconfirms the fact that parents will also be parents no matter how old their children has grown.

Rest in Peace Kow Khim. You have left behind a great legacy of sons and daughters, grandsons and granddaughters, all loving you. You would already have a good rebirth for all your kind-heartedness. Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu.

TO ALL
With all these recent deaths, it just meant that:

Life is short. Life is too Short.
We should not take life for granted.
We should not think that we would always have tomorrow.
Wherever possible, make time for your loved ones.
Especially your Parents.
Understandable that we all have to make a living.
But if our Parents can be there anytime for us when we were young.
Can we not at least be there for them, if not every day but at least once a week?
And if children are living far away, call and talk to them at least once a week.

Lastly, say a Prayer of THANK YOU every morning for having another Beautiful Day. God Bless Us All.

I Hate You, Mom.

To all fans,

Am back after a long break. It has been an eventful long break. I had changed my blog to “AskWomen” after considering the good advices from fans and friends. #AskWomen because the topics discussed here are universal to women all over the world. It makes good sense.

I had also embarked on my book finally and had started e publishing the book titled ‘Broken Dreams’ via this great ‘wattpad’ app. - http://www.wattpad.com/44209175-about-broken-dreams

Please do ‘FOLLOW’, ‘LIKE’ and ‘SHARE’ it. I Thank You for the support.

Well, am starting off my renamed blog with this topic - “I Hate You Mom.”

As a Mom with teenage and adult children, I can understand how another Mom would feel when her ‘grown’ child blames her for the family break-up and telling Mom that “She Hates Her.’ This is not in the heat of moment like how a little child would said it because she couldn’t get to buy her favorite toy but it was said during a serious discussion in a serious tone.

This Mom is devastated; confused that she now even thinks it is truly her fault that the family broke up.

I just can’t see this Mom going through the pain knowing that she has done everything she could to save the marriage. Many chances were given to her spouse, the dad. Even to the extend of buying ‘help’ books to assist him. Finally to even, listing out the things that each spouse should change.

But dad didn’t change or couldn't change. So Mom just need to have an outlet to confide to someone. It so happens that Mom broke down at that moment when she was with a ‘guy’ friend. Guy friend was sympathetic, listened well, knowing when to offer advice and when just to listen. And so each confession becomes more regular and one thing leads to another. And an affair begins.

So the Mom had an affair. But don’t all Moms agree that a Mom would never ever have an affair if her marriage were a happy marriage. Especially Mom with growing up kids. I was once a working Mom too. And I understand how busy a working Mom is, having to rush back from office to attend to their children, not to mention the many chores awaiting them. Why would a Mom get herself into an affair when she doesn’t even have time for herself?

Of course, Dad found out about the affair. There were many serious quarrels, accusations thereafter. As the child was still young than and for the child sake, both stayed together. But the child was an only child and she had experienced the love of a pair of doting, loving parents with happy family meal time, happy outings, and holidays together since she was a toddler. Then she saw all the quarrels, the separate holidays, separate meal time, the non-harmonious atmosphere at home which the Dad did not bother to keep these ugly scenes from her. Whilst the Mom had always taken care to keep all the unhappiness, the arguments she was going through from her daughter. Which of course resulted in the daughter blaming the Mom for the family break-up, as she has not seen any quarrels prior to Mom having an affair.

All these affected her through her growing up years and the feelings built up inside her that she just let it all out on that particular day, just before she leaves home for college – ‘I hate you. You were the one that broke up the family. You were the one that causes Dad to be this way because Dad was so devastated!’

Before my readers here can judge. I should give some background to the issues that the poor Mom was facing - Dad’s heavy drinking to the point of being an alcoholic. And like most alcoholic, Dad talks more when drunk. More abusive – only verbal abuse – thank goodness. Finally to the point of bringing the abuse to the bedroom which we don’t need to go into the details. Of course being alcoholic means no exercise too and Dad gets bigger and heavier.

Hence, my dear readers, how would you advise the Mom?

I think there is no point in going into the fact of who’s right or who’s wrong.

The main concern is how would the relationship between the Mom and Daughter be salvaged. She has gone to college and likely will not be communicating much now with Mom. As the Chinese would said ‘Now you have wings, you can fly.’

Or how about share any story of similar “I hate you Mom." Either from your own experience or from a friend.

(THANK YOU to http://www.wattpad.com/528069-dear-mom-i-hate-you for the image)

The real pain begins when they're grown!

When they'grown, the real pain begins!

So true. I worry endlessly of my kids. Do you?

Even my Mum, now 76 years old, still calls me at night and ask if I am home. She will still keep telling me the same thing, 'Don't come home too late. The society is not so safe now. Be careful when you drive...and so on.' I felt touch and I had to say that sometimes I do missed her concern. And having said that, she's still worrying about me when I am already 50, very much old enough to take care of myself. Not to mention that I have my own children to worry about. Mum still worries when am travelling. She belongs to the era where women are to be seen and not hurt. Where women do not travel alone, check into hotel alone.

My Dad too worries about me, especially when am driving. It is very heartwarming, when Dad will stand at the gate to see me drives off each time I came to visit Dad. He worried of motorbiker driving up and snatching my handbag when am walking to my car.

For me, when my kids are young, I worried but it's a different level of worrying. When they are young, all I just need are time to care and time to show them with my love.

Now that they are grown, I worried more of will they make good new friends in Uni, in the office? Will they get along with their bosses? If they be conned by being too trusting. I worried if they can adapt to the society. Worry if they bosses will like them and see them as a genuius like the way I see my child. I worried of the friends they make. And especially the partner that they will choose.

Soon I guess I be worrying about my grandchildren next.

It's a cycle of life. Our parents gave birth to us, worried about us and we in turn gave birth to our children, worried about them and next our children be having their children and worrying of their children.

Do read this article by Booming of New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/28/booming/when-theyre-grown-the-real-pain-begins.html?src=me&ref=general&_r=0 It so resonates with me and I am sure all mothers too will feel this way.

Make your New Year Resolution Yet?

It’s the time of the year again, to reflect on what we have achieved for the year, on what we have yet to do, what we could have done better. Another New Year Resolution.

How many times have you written these New Year Resolutions very seriously, thinking it through thoroughly and yet by end year, we realized that we actually had not done what we set to achieve. And then we repeat the same resolutions again for the coming New Year, telling ourselves we’ll do it this year.

Well, I sure am one of them. So for this year, I am thinking in the line of ‘To live a much more positive, healthier living lifestyle.’ Which means:

“TO LIVE SIMPLE.
TO BE IN THE PRESENT.
TO ALWAYS COUNT MY BLESSINGS.”

It won’t be easy cos we have been conditioned since young to aspire for better things, and everyone’s chasing after the same dream, where we are measured by ‘how big’, ‘how branded’, ‘how many’, and not by ‘how happy and carefree’ we are.

So the vicious cycle starts again, all wanting to achieve the best of all materialistic things, to want more and more, to continue to be stressed! When what we have already is so much more valuable – great kids/family, supportive relatives, and wonderful friends.

So what is your resolution this year? Would you not want to make it simple?
In ending this post, I like to share this wonderful quote with all of you.

OUR ATTITUDE DEFINES LIFE

Life is Best for those who want to Live it,
Life is Difficult for those who want to Analyze it,
Life is worst for those who want to Criticize it,
Our Attitude Defines Life...

ENJOY YOUR LIFE

Laugh so Hard That even Sorrow Smiles at You,
Live Life so Well That even Death Loves to see you Alive,
Fight so Hard That even Fate accepts its Defeat...

HAPPY NEW YEAR.22 Great New Year's resolutions (and 6 pretty good ones). (GL Life).(Brief Article): An article from: Girls' Life