I Hate You, Mom.

To all fans,

Am back after a long break. It has been an eventful long break. I had changed my blog to “AskWomen” after considering the good advices from fans and friends. #AskWomen because the topics discussed here are universal to women all over the world. It makes good sense.

I had also embarked on my book finally and had started e publishing the book titled ‘Broken Dreams’ via this great ‘wattpad’ app. - http://www.wattpad.com/44209175-about-broken-dreams

Please do ‘FOLLOW’, ‘LIKE’ and ‘SHARE’ it. I Thank You for the support.

Well, am starting off my renamed blog with this topic - “I Hate You Mom.”

As a Mom with teenage and adult children, I can understand how another Mom would feel when her ‘grown’ child blames her for the family break-up and telling Mom that “She Hates Her.’ This is not in the heat of moment like how a little child would said it because she couldn’t get to buy her favorite toy but it was said during a serious discussion in a serious tone.

This Mom is devastated; confused that she now even thinks it is truly her fault that the family broke up.

I just can’t see this Mom going through the pain knowing that she has done everything she could to save the marriage. Many chances were given to her spouse, the dad. Even to the extend of buying ‘help’ books to assist him. Finally to even, listing out the things that each spouse should change.

But dad didn’t change or couldn't change. So Mom just need to have an outlet to confide to someone. It so happens that Mom broke down at that moment when she was with a ‘guy’ friend. Guy friend was sympathetic, listened well, knowing when to offer advice and when just to listen. And so each confession becomes more regular and one thing leads to another. And an affair begins.

So the Mom had an affair. But don’t all Moms agree that a Mom would never ever have an affair if her marriage were a happy marriage. Especially Mom with growing up kids. I was once a working Mom too. And I understand how busy a working Mom is, having to rush back from office to attend to their children, not to mention the many chores awaiting them. Why would a Mom get herself into an affair when she doesn’t even have time for herself?

Of course, Dad found out about the affair. There were many serious quarrels, accusations thereafter. As the child was still young than and for the child sake, both stayed together. But the child was an only child and she had experienced the love of a pair of doting, loving parents with happy family meal time, happy outings, and holidays together since she was a toddler. Then she saw all the quarrels, the separate holidays, separate meal time, the non-harmonious atmosphere at home which the Dad did not bother to keep these ugly scenes from her. Whilst the Mom had always taken care to keep all the unhappiness, the arguments she was going through from her daughter. Which of course resulted in the daughter blaming the Mom for the family break-up, as she has not seen any quarrels prior to Mom having an affair.

All these affected her through her growing up years and the feelings built up inside her that she just let it all out on that particular day, just before she leaves home for college – ‘I hate you. You were the one that broke up the family. You were the one that causes Dad to be this way because Dad was so devastated!’

Before my readers here can judge. I should give some background to the issues that the poor Mom was facing - Dad’s heavy drinking to the point of being an alcoholic. And like most alcoholic, Dad talks more when drunk. More abusive – only verbal abuse – thank goodness. Finally to the point of bringing the abuse to the bedroom which we don’t need to go into the details. Of course being alcoholic means no exercise too and Dad gets bigger and heavier.

Hence, my dear readers, how would you advise the Mom?

I think there is no point in going into the fact of who’s right or who’s wrong.

The main concern is how would the relationship between the Mom and Daughter be salvaged. She has gone to college and likely will not be communicating much now with Mom. As the Chinese would said ‘Now you have wings, you can fly.’

Or how about share any story of similar “I hate you Mom." Either from your own experience or from a friend.

(THANK YOU to http://www.wattpad.com/528069-dear-mom-i-hate-you for the image)

The real pain begins when they're grown!

When they'grown, the real pain begins!

So true. I worry endlessly of my kids. Do you?

Even my Mum, now 76 years old, still calls me at night and ask if I am home. She will still keep telling me the same thing, 'Don't come home too late. The society is not so safe now. Be careful when you drive...and so on.' I felt touch and I had to say that sometimes I do missed her concern. And having said that, she's still worrying about me when I am already 50, very much old enough to take care of myself. Not to mention that I have my own children to worry about. Mum still worries when am travelling. She belongs to the era where women are to be seen and not hurt. Where women do not travel alone, check into hotel alone.

My Dad too worries about me, especially when am driving. It is very heartwarming, when Dad will stand at the gate to see me drives off each time I came to visit Dad. He worried of motorbiker driving up and snatching my handbag when am walking to my car.

For me, when my kids are young, I worried but it's a different level of worrying. When they are young, all I just need are time to care and time to show them with my love.

Now that they are grown, I worried more of will they make good new friends in Uni, in the office? Will they get along with their bosses? If they be conned by being too trusting. I worried if they can adapt to the society. Worry if they bosses will like them and see them as a genuius like the way I see my child. I worried of the friends they make. And especially the partner that they will choose.

Soon I guess I be worrying about my grandchildren next.

It's a cycle of life. Our parents gave birth to us, worried about us and we in turn gave birth to our children, worried about them and next our children be having their children and worrying of their children.

Do read this article by Booming of New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/28/booming/when-theyre-grown-the-real-pain-begins.html?src=me&ref=general&_r=0 It so resonates with me and I am sure all mothers too will feel this way.