I Hate You, Mom.

To all fans,

Am back after a long break. It has been an eventful long break. I had changed my blog to “AskWomen” after considering the good advices from fans and friends. #AskWomen because the topics discussed here are universal to women all over the world. It makes good sense.

I had also embarked on my book finally and had started e publishing the book titled ‘Broken Dreams’ via this great ‘wattpad’ app. - http://www.wattpad.com/44209175-about-broken-dreams

Please do ‘FOLLOW’, ‘LIKE’ and ‘SHARE’ it. I Thank You for the support.

Well, am starting off my renamed blog with this topic - “I Hate You Mom.”

As a Mom with teenage and adult children, I can understand how another Mom would feel when her ‘grown’ child blames her for the family break-up and telling Mom that “She Hates Her.’ This is not in the heat of moment like how a little child would said it because she couldn’t get to buy her favorite toy but it was said during a serious discussion in a serious tone.

This Mom is devastated; confused that she now even thinks it is truly her fault that the family broke up.

I just can’t see this Mom going through the pain knowing that she has done everything she could to save the marriage. Many chances were given to her spouse, the dad. Even to the extend of buying ‘help’ books to assist him. Finally to even, listing out the things that each spouse should change.

But dad didn’t change or couldn't change. So Mom just need to have an outlet to confide to someone. It so happens that Mom broke down at that moment when she was with a ‘guy’ friend. Guy friend was sympathetic, listened well, knowing when to offer advice and when just to listen. And so each confession becomes more regular and one thing leads to another. And an affair begins.

So the Mom had an affair. But don’t all Moms agree that a Mom would never ever have an affair if her marriage were a happy marriage. Especially Mom with growing up kids. I was once a working Mom too. And I understand how busy a working Mom is, having to rush back from office to attend to their children, not to mention the many chores awaiting them. Why would a Mom get herself into an affair when she doesn’t even have time for herself?

Of course, Dad found out about the affair. There were many serious quarrels, accusations thereafter. As the child was still young than and for the child sake, both stayed together. But the child was an only child and she had experienced the love of a pair of doting, loving parents with happy family meal time, happy outings, and holidays together since she was a toddler. Then she saw all the quarrels, the separate holidays, separate meal time, the non-harmonious atmosphere at home which the Dad did not bother to keep these ugly scenes from her. Whilst the Mom had always taken care to keep all the unhappiness, the arguments she was going through from her daughter. Which of course resulted in the daughter blaming the Mom for the family break-up, as she has not seen any quarrels prior to Mom having an affair.

All these affected her through her growing up years and the feelings built up inside her that she just let it all out on that particular day, just before she leaves home for college – ‘I hate you. You were the one that broke up the family. You were the one that causes Dad to be this way because Dad was so devastated!’

Before my readers here can judge. I should give some background to the issues that the poor Mom was facing - Dad’s heavy drinking to the point of being an alcoholic. And like most alcoholic, Dad talks more when drunk. More abusive – only verbal abuse – thank goodness. Finally to the point of bringing the abuse to the bedroom which we don’t need to go into the details. Of course being alcoholic means no exercise too and Dad gets bigger and heavier.

Hence, my dear readers, how would you advise the Mom?

I think there is no point in going into the fact of who’s right or who’s wrong.

The main concern is how would the relationship between the Mom and Daughter be salvaged. She has gone to college and likely will not be communicating much now with Mom. As the Chinese would said ‘Now you have wings, you can fly.’

Or how about share any story of similar “I hate you Mom." Either from your own experience or from a friend.

(THANK YOU to http://www.wattpad.com/528069-dear-mom-i-hate-you for the image)

Can Relationship survived without Trust

HERE’S TO SHARE A SNIPPET OF MY BOOK. AM ASKING IF ANY OF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HELP ME IN CONTINUING WITH A PARAGRAPH OF THIS STORY.

READ TO THE END OF THIS POST AND TELL ME WHAT WOULD BE JOY’S ADVISE TO ROSE AT THE END OF THIS POST?



"I don't know what happened to me", Rose burst out during our happy hour. "I don't know why had I become so insecure, so obsessed with Rick." Rose was trying to control her emotions, her tears. "I hate myself for being this way. I seem to revolve my world around him. I think for him first before I think for myself. And now with this insecure feeling, it's driving Rick's further and further away."

It took me by surprised as Rose has always being the happy girl. Always so cheerful although I did noticed that she has become kind of quiet and not as 'happy-go-lucky' kind of friend that I had known since the day I know her.

"What happened? Something must have happened? Tell me?" I hold her hand.

"He's cheating on me. Rick's cheating on me. I feel am such a fool. I had being deliriously happy, believing every word he said. When he told me he had to leave early for shopping with his wife. I believed him. I had never doubted him, doubted his words. Now I realized it's so easy for him to make excuses. Now that I think about it, I am such a fool. I believe every word he said. And it's so easy for him to make excuses. He can said he's home with his wife when he's out drinking with another girl and probably fxxking her thereafter. I am such a stupid, stupid fool Joy. Since the day I found out, I started thinking over and over all the past things that he had done and realizing then that he's cheating on me all the while. And he knew it's so easy to make me happy. He just need to tell me, 'He missed me. He loves me'. And that would have being enough to make me stupidly happy. Oh Joy, he must be laughing each time he said all those sweet nothings to me. Practicing his charm on me and taking me as a joker, a clown, seeing me so stupidly happy, believing every word he said. I just want to curl up and never to wake up to face the world anymore Joy."

I just don't know how to react to this new Rose. This is the Rose that I had never seen. To me, our Rose has always been cheerful, the light of our circle of friends. Always having a good advice for each of us when we needed it. But never she had ever needed any advice before. Rose was the luckiest of all amongst us girls. Her world was filled with love, romance, happiness, when she met Rick. They had being together for past 3 years and each time there's always something good to say about Rick from our Rose. And it always made all of us girls envious.

"How did you found out that he's cheating Rose?" I asked.

"We were out having dinner. And Rick went to the gents. A message came in. And I just casually take a look. And....Joy, I can't even described how I felt then, just reading this note 'incoming message from New Girl!' 'New Girl', Joy. He called her 'New Girl'. I was about to take his phone to read it but I saw him came back. I don't know how I can sit through the whole night, pretending that nothing happened.

"What?" I said. "You did not question him immediately? With the proof on the phone?" I was speechless at Ross for her tolerance. I would had questioned him immediately and make a big scene. But it's just like Ross. Even with her husband, she was also timid.

"No, I didn't question him. I was totally shock. I don't know how I can just sit there and pretend and continue with conversation with Rick. This question keeps going over and over in my mind, 'do I really know Rick actually?’ As I listened to him, all his words somehow don’t had any meaning to me anymore. Every word he spoke seems to be a lie to me. Seems to me, it's just a phoney Rick, practicing his playboy stunt on me. I was his adoring loyal dog, lapping up every word he said. Yearning for just a pat on my head ‘good dog’ and that would have sent me over the moon. “

“Since when was this Rose? How long have you kept this to yourself?” I know Rose is not the kind of girl to unload her problems unless it is really serious. And which is hardly at all.

“It happened on that Wesak Day. Remember I couldn’t make it to the parade because Rick was available that evening. And it’s so difficult for him to be able to come out to late night. It must be punishment for me, for giving priority to this phoney love affair versus doing something pure.”

“Oh don’t be silly Rose.” “Wow and that’s like 3 months ago. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I try to get over it Joy. I try to forget it, I try to make myself believe that am over-reacting. And that maybe in the candlelight dinner restaurant, I might have imagined this ‘New Girl’ message. I try to pretend that everything’s good and well, and that Rick really loves me only, Joy. I just love him so much.” And Rose just let her tears flow. I passed her tissue after tissue as she soaked them up with her broken hearted tears.

In between her tears and sniffing, Rose continues, “Joy, I love Rick. And I am willing to forgive him, as long he doesn’t do it again. But I just don’t trust him anymore. I start suspecting him when he’s away from me. I hate this distrustful feeling Joy. I wished I had not read that message, Joy. I want to be the careful, trusting, confident, happy rose. But she’s gone. “ And she starts another rain of broken hearted tears.

“I see the same thing happening to me again. First was Robert. Then Sam. And now Rick! What should I do Joy.”

“Should I tell Rick what I suspected and my feelings? But I worried that Rick will get angry that I checked his phone and will leave me for her! I am so sure he’s seeing a girl. And what is most hurtful is that it’s the same girl that he’s seeing. And that hurts most, as she must have meant something to him. Rick won’t have time to keep picking up different girls.”

“Or should I just continue to pretend? And hope Rick will gets tired of her and comes back to me? It's so painful Joy, this heartache. And it's because I let myself to fall in love again. Although it's nothing compared to Sam. But I do see a bit of similarity between Robert and Rick now!”

“I had being a wreck since then. I can’t eat, I can’t even work. I just indulged my mind with all kind of scenarios. Scenarios of me meeting him with that girl. And different scenarios of how we'll react to each other if I meet them both. I don’t want to be this way Joy. You know me, am always optimistic. But I can’t control my mind Joy.”

“JOY, WHAT SHOULD I DO?