Can Relationship survived without Trust

HERE’S TO SHARE A SNIPPET OF MY BOOK. AM ASKING IF ANY OF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HELP ME IN CONTINUING WITH A PARAGRAPH OF THIS STORY.

READ TO THE END OF THIS POST AND TELL ME WHAT WOULD BE JOY’S ADVISE TO ROSE AT THE END OF THIS POST?



"I don't know what happened to me", Rose burst out during our happy hour. "I don't know why had I become so insecure, so obsessed with Rick." Rose was trying to control her emotions, her tears. "I hate myself for being this way. I seem to revolve my world around him. I think for him first before I think for myself. And now with this insecure feeling, it's driving Rick's further and further away."

It took me by surprised as Rose has always being the happy girl. Always so cheerful although I did noticed that she has become kind of quiet and not as 'happy-go-lucky' kind of friend that I had known since the day I know her.

"What happened? Something must have happened? Tell me?" I hold her hand.

"He's cheating on me. Rick's cheating on me. I feel am such a fool. I had being deliriously happy, believing every word he said. When he told me he had to leave early for shopping with his wife. I believed him. I had never doubted him, doubted his words. Now I realized it's so easy for him to make excuses. Now that I think about it, I am such a fool. I believe every word he said. And it's so easy for him to make excuses. He can said he's home with his wife when he's out drinking with another girl and probably fxxking her thereafter. I am such a stupid, stupid fool Joy. Since the day I found out, I started thinking over and over all the past things that he had done and realizing then that he's cheating on me all the while. And he knew it's so easy to make me happy. He just need to tell me, 'He missed me. He loves me'. And that would have being enough to make me stupidly happy. Oh Joy, he must be laughing each time he said all those sweet nothings to me. Practicing his charm on me and taking me as a joker, a clown, seeing me so stupidly happy, believing every word he said. I just want to curl up and never to wake up to face the world anymore Joy."

I just don't know how to react to this new Rose. This is the Rose that I had never seen. To me, our Rose has always been cheerful, the light of our circle of friends. Always having a good advice for each of us when we needed it. But never she had ever needed any advice before. Rose was the luckiest of all amongst us girls. Her world was filled with love, romance, happiness, when she met Rick. They had being together for past 3 years and each time there's always something good to say about Rick from our Rose. And it always made all of us girls envious.

"How did you found out that he's cheating Rose?" I asked.

"We were out having dinner. And Rick went to the gents. A message came in. And I just casually take a look. And....Joy, I can't even described how I felt then, just reading this note 'incoming message from New Girl!' 'New Girl', Joy. He called her 'New Girl'. I was about to take his phone to read it but I saw him came back. I don't know how I can sit through the whole night, pretending that nothing happened.

"What?" I said. "You did not question him immediately? With the proof on the phone?" I was speechless at Ross for her tolerance. I would had questioned him immediately and make a big scene. But it's just like Ross. Even with her husband, she was also timid.

"No, I didn't question him. I was totally shock. I don't know how I can just sit there and pretend and continue with conversation with Rick. This question keeps going over and over in my mind, 'do I really know Rick actually?’ As I listened to him, all his words somehow don’t had any meaning to me anymore. Every word he spoke seems to be a lie to me. Seems to me, it's just a phoney Rick, practicing his playboy stunt on me. I was his adoring loyal dog, lapping up every word he said. Yearning for just a pat on my head ‘good dog’ and that would have sent me over the moon. “

“Since when was this Rose? How long have you kept this to yourself?” I know Rose is not the kind of girl to unload her problems unless it is really serious. And which is hardly at all.

“It happened on that Wesak Day. Remember I couldn’t make it to the parade because Rick was available that evening. And it’s so difficult for him to be able to come out to late night. It must be punishment for me, for giving priority to this phoney love affair versus doing something pure.”

“Oh don’t be silly Rose.” “Wow and that’s like 3 months ago. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I try to get over it Joy. I try to forget it, I try to make myself believe that am over-reacting. And that maybe in the candlelight dinner restaurant, I might have imagined this ‘New Girl’ message. I try to pretend that everything’s good and well, and that Rick really loves me only, Joy. I just love him so much.” And Rose just let her tears flow. I passed her tissue after tissue as she soaked them up with her broken hearted tears.

In between her tears and sniffing, Rose continues, “Joy, I love Rick. And I am willing to forgive him, as long he doesn’t do it again. But I just don’t trust him anymore. I start suspecting him when he’s away from me. I hate this distrustful feeling Joy. I wished I had not read that message, Joy. I want to be the careful, trusting, confident, happy rose. But she’s gone. “ And she starts another rain of broken hearted tears.

“I see the same thing happening to me again. First was Robert. Then Sam. And now Rick! What should I do Joy.”

“Should I tell Rick what I suspected and my feelings? But I worried that Rick will get angry that I checked his phone and will leave me for her! I am so sure he’s seeing a girl. And what is most hurtful is that it’s the same girl that he’s seeing. And that hurts most, as she must have meant something to him. Rick won’t have time to keep picking up different girls.”

“Or should I just continue to pretend? And hope Rick will gets tired of her and comes back to me? It's so painful Joy, this heartache. And it's because I let myself to fall in love again. Although it's nothing compared to Sam. But I do see a bit of similarity between Robert and Rick now!”

“I had being a wreck since then. I can’t eat, I can’t even work. I just indulged my mind with all kind of scenarios. Scenarios of me meeting him with that girl. And different scenarios of how we'll react to each other if I meet them both. I don’t want to be this way Joy. You know me, am always optimistic. But I can’t control my mind Joy.”

“JOY, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Asian wife acccepts infidelity?

As usual a group of us were chit chatting. And this particular topic caught my interest. My friend told me that one of her office colleague discovered that her husband cheated on her when she went for a short trip. She did sensed something was not right when she came home. Her home was too clean which is unusual as she knows her husband is not a neat person. True enough 3 days later as she was finally into the final cleaning of the house, she found 2 ribbed condom packagings and 1 unused open condom. Her husband was careless and must have forgotten that he just threw it into an unused dustbin. She was devastated. Her husband was the most loving man and she thought they had a perfect relationship. Sex was good and they communicate well. She tried to find excuses that it's probably just sex. And like how a cat can't resist a fish, her husband is afterall like any other normal man.

She questioned herself, would it do any good if she was to question him? Was she going to leave him just because of this? But then if she kept quiet, would her husband continue with the relationship and it might just gets too deep? And as she start recounting the days since she's back, she realised that her husband had seen her lover again as there was an evening when he came home with his tie not probably tied which as she thought was unusual.

My friend told her that it could really be just a one off sex and confronting it would start the first distrust in their marriage. But ignoring it might just give her husband more freedom which might be too late if feelings are involved. So she told her to give herself a few days or weeks more, to observe her husband to see if there's anything unusual with his behaviour. And if she continues to have sleepless night, then she might as well face it and question him. So that she can have a normal life again, with or without him. Time always heals.

Personally I still can't accept the fact that men are accepted to just had sex as there's no feelings involved. All in the excuse that they can't control that moment of lust. If they love their partners, would they not think before they act. Would women be forgiven if women too can give in to lust?

And again, it's this Asian wife conditioning, that infidelity by husband is acceptable as long they bring home the dough! A Western wife would have raise hell already!

How to beat a cheating husband?

Let's face it. All women subconsciously know what they should do to keep their husband, boyfriend, and lover. But it's that one question which many women are asking 'why must women be the one to take the effort to keep their men'?

Traditionally Asian women have been taught to accept men's infidelity. I remember my grandfather has two wives and each wife bored him 13 children. So he has 26 children. And of course his 26 children multiply further, so you can imagine what a grand, big affair he had during his funeral. His children multiply when they married, so he has more then 70 grand kids.

In the movie 'Raise the Red Lantern', all the wives has to stand outside their door every evening, and they be praying that the man will stop in front of their door with the red lantern. It means he's spending the night with her. What a sad situation then. And that's because those days, women aren't independent.

But then even in these days when women are much more independent and they have their careers, we still see how women can be destroyed by selfish men. All in the name of 'love'. The advise given here in this link is good and makes sense. As I believe finally it's based on two options - it's either you want to keep your man or you don't want to keep your man!

http://www.cheating-boyfriend.net/marriage/marriage-infidelity-%E2%80%93-secrets-to-beating-a-cheating-husband/