Asian Woman 'Live Life' again

Remember 'Cathy' from my posting of "Asian Women's Resilience to Adversity' and subsequent post of "Superwoman Wives, Lazy Husbands'. Well, I just got good news that Cathy has moved out, taking her kids with her. After years of frustration, she finally took the courage to move out. She moved to her mum's house. Her mum is so happy for her and is so ever willing to have her back then to see her daughter suffering. Kudos to all mums who'll always protect their kids, young or old.

Cathy has endured her husband so much. She suffered in silence all his abusive words as she has been worrying that her sons will stand up to the father and in so doing a fight will starts between dad and sons. The last straw finally happened when her husband snatched her purse to take money from her, after she told him that she has to keep the money for Chinese New Year. And when he found that she has money in her purse, he hit her for the first time. Cathy just can’t believe that it happened, she was so emotionally estranged. Cathy cried in silence, feeling that it’s a shame to tell anyone that she was hit. But Cathy was smart; she knew that once her husband started to raise hand at her, it would happen again. So Cathy planned quietly on moving out with her sons. And finally in early January, she and her sons moved out. Of course, her husband called, begged her to come back, saying that it will not happen again. But for once Cathy was firmed.



And after moving out, Cathy was feeling lonely, sad, confused, sorry for herself and guilty. Guilty because she left her husband who now has nothing - no job, no family, just an empty shell of a home. But we all know time will heal all pains (well, almost all pains). Cathy soon adjusts herself in to her new home at her mum’s. She starts seeing all the opportunities.

She has offer to be a 'housekeeper' for this young couple with 2 young kids. This couple will be going to a Middle East country for overseas posting. I thought that was good since she has been looking after the couple's kids for past 6 months. She is now taking care of 3 young kids, which gives her opportunity to stay home. Cathy’s 3 boys are already old enough to take care of themselves, the youngest already going to college. So moving away to have a change would be good for her. She confessed to me that she felt left out when compared to all her friends. That at age of 48, she has not even taken an airplane. I told her it's never too late.

And of course, when a 'single' woman that is still attractive and is now available, sex definitely comes into picture. So here comes a neighborhood friend, 'Dick' that is now chasing after her. Cathy has gone out with this Dick and Dick is a nice guy but it's just that Dick is married. And Dick has the reputation in this town of been a 'Casanova', an 'opportunist'. Cathy feels flattered from the attention given by Dick. And Dick certainly knows that what she needs now is for someone to woo her, to make her feels like a woman again, to pamper her. So Cathy is thinking of going all the way as she's been deprived of all these wooing and most of all 'sex' for so long. It has been 5 years since she last have sex. And she definitely is ready and in need of a good man, good sex.

But Cathy been a conservative woman, deprived from all the fun of life, is hesitant. Almost like our Grace in my posting of 'To cheat or not to cheat?’ So what advice would you give Cathy? Don't you think she deserves better? And that she shouldn't feels guilty at all? But is Dick the right man to break her celibate life with Dick's reputation?

Also, do you think it's a good idea for her to leave to a foreign land although she will be with the family that she knows? I just felt that she has just found her freedom and there's still a lot of adjustment for her.

To cheat or not to cheat? Lust vs Common Sense!

Let me tell you of this story of a young lovely woman. Let’s call her Grace. She’s married with few young kids. She’s extremely lovely and still young, still has that high sexual adrenaline pumping in her. And there’s this husband of hers that has taken her for granted. Spending all his time in his work, only did the usual courtesy gestures during birthday, anniversary and going for short holidays with kids during the school holiday. And of course, our lovely woman feels neglected, lack of attention, lack of love and husband, burdened with the responsibilities of children’.

And then, like all love or ‘lust’ story, we have a charming young man who happens to meet this lonely, neglected woman. Let’s call him Prince. And guess what, our Prince is her hair stylist. You can imagine how wonderful it is to have man running his fingers over your hair, not to mention after been neglected so long, lack of that soothing touch. And so from setting appointment for hair wash, hair color, hair perm, hair steam…anything to do with the head’s hair, it soon transient to having a coffee after the appointment, lunch. And of course, both exchange personal information, Prince unloading his thoughts, his feelings and our Grace too, unloading her loneliness, her been neglected. And soon one thing leads to another, opportunities presented itself, Prince kisses Grace and the fire of lust begins to build up, initiated from a small glow.



Sanity somehow stops Grace whom realizes that it’s wrong. And that she has a lot to lose by satisfying her lust. And so Grace told Prince to hold off. But having tasted the fruits of passion, Grace since then, has been pinning for Prince, has been day dreaming, lusting to taste that passion again. Lust has a way to make a person lost interests in everything. Day in, day out, night in, night out, Grace can’t seems to concentrate on anything but that moment of ‘passion’ with Prince. Grace still goes to Prince for her hair stuffs but has since cut off those coffee times. And Prince has been a good boy, although occasionally still tempts Grace with a short sms like ‘I miss you’.

What would you advise Grace to do? Grace's an avid follower of my blog and she appreciates your advise.

Common sense tells her to forget it but lust as usual is stronger. Otherwise why do we have Presidents, Ministers, MPs all involved in sex scandals? Grace knows she’s not going to leave her family for this Prince. It’s not about love. It’s also not just about lust, but maybe they did find something common in each other, that both are lonely. And to get over this lust, maybe Grace should just do it and forget about it thereafter?

PS: I have to put a qualifier here, that Grace’s husband has cheated on her, not once but twice which he acknowledged, not as in admitting but in making up to Grace. So does that qualify Grace to cheat too?

Asian wife acccepts infidelity?

As usual a group of us were chit chatting. And this particular topic caught my interest. My friend told me that one of her office colleague discovered that her husband cheated on her when she went for a short trip. She did sensed something was not right when she came home. Her home was too clean which is unusual as she knows her husband is not a neat person. True enough 3 days later as she was finally into the final cleaning of the house, she found 2 ribbed condom packagings and 1 unused open condom. Her husband was careless and must have forgotten that he just threw it into an unused dustbin. She was devastated. Her husband was the most loving man and she thought they had a perfect relationship. Sex was good and they communicate well. She tried to find excuses that it's probably just sex. And like how a cat can't resist a fish, her husband is afterall like any other normal man.

She questioned herself, would it do any good if she was to question him? Was she going to leave him just because of this? But then if she kept quiet, would her husband continue with the relationship and it might just gets too deep? And as she start recounting the days since she's back, she realised that her husband had seen her lover again as there was an evening when he came home with his tie not probably tied which as she thought was unusual.

My friend told her that it could really be just a one off sex and confronting it would start the first distrust in their marriage. But ignoring it might just give her husband more freedom which might be too late if feelings are involved. So she told her to give herself a few days or weeks more, to observe her husband to see if there's anything unusual with his behaviour. And if she continues to have sleepless night, then she might as well face it and question him. So that she can have a normal life again, with or without him. Time always heals.

Personally I still can't accept the fact that men are accepted to just had sex as there's no feelings involved. All in the excuse that they can't control that moment of lust. If they love their partners, would they not think before they act. Would women be forgiven if women too can give in to lust?

And again, it's this Asian wife conditioning, that infidelity by husband is acceptable as long they bring home the dough! A Western wife would have raise hell already!

How to beat a cheating husband?

Let's face it. All women subconsciously know what they should do to keep their husband, boyfriend, and lover. But it's that one question which many women are asking 'why must women be the one to take the effort to keep their men'?

Traditionally Asian women have been taught to accept men's infidelity. I remember my grandfather has two wives and each wife bored him 13 children. So he has 26 children. And of course his 26 children multiply further, so you can imagine what a grand, big affair he had during his funeral. His children multiply when they married, so he has more then 70 grand kids.

In the movie 'Raise the Red Lantern', all the wives has to stand outside their door every evening, and they be praying that the man will stop in front of their door with the red lantern. It means he's spending the night with her. What a sad situation then. And that's because those days, women aren't independent.

But then even in these days when women are much more independent and they have their careers, we still see how women can be destroyed by selfish men. All in the name of 'love'. The advise given here in this link is good and makes sense. As I believe finally it's based on two options - it's either you want to keep your man or you don't want to keep your man!

http://www.cheating-boyfriend.net/marriage/marriage-infidelity-%E2%80%93-secrets-to-beating-a-cheating-husband/