Are women really unhappier these days?

Didn't realise that it's been a month since I last posted. I thought this snippet from an article was interesting. The gist of it is that "women basically are unhappier then they are in those years!" True? I suppose it depends on what women are looking for.

Our parents' life was much simpler. They were content with what they have. Especially our mothers, they don't complain when they have to juggle between office or their livelihood job, housework, children...basically it's work and more work for our mums. And it's taken for granted men brings in the dough and gets to relax and rest when they are home. Cos men suppose to be the 'only' one that's working 'real work'. So they get to rest, to look forward for another day of 'hard' work.

But these days, women wants equality. Share in housework, share in taking care of children, anything to do with work, responsibilities, it must be shared. EXCEPT money! What I earned is mine only. What you, husband earned is also mine!

I had to say that maybe 80% of the women are like this especially those from white collars. Whilst the blue collar women are much more submissive and will still 'toll' for their men cos they are dependent on their men. Whilst those women that earns more, will demand for their rights.

So which type of women are you? Are you less happier cos you expect more of your life.

For me, I went through a lot of ups and downs. For now, am so much happier. Contented, happy with what I have, my kids, my love, my family, my friends, my job. I just pray each day that it'll be another blessed day.

Have a good weekend all.



“The Paradox of Choice”
Another theory is that while the women’s movement opened up possibilities, it also opened our eyes to new ways we might fail. Liberation is like original sin you realize you’re powerful but also naked and vulnerable, and that snake in the next cubicle isn’t as nice as you thought he was. “It’s the paradox of choice,” says Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at the University of California and author of The How of Happiness. “It increases your chances for happiness but also regret.”

While much ink has been spilled on how women with multiple roles in life—wife, mother, executive, church leader—are more resilient in the face of adversity (if something goes wrong at home, hey, you can still feel good about your performance at work, the reasoning goes), all this variety may be giving women more arenas to find themselves lacking. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, PhD, professor of psychology at Yale University and the author of next month’s The Power of Women, says that multitasking is a boon only if you like what you’re doing: Women earning crappy pay in a crappy job who go home to crappy husbands who treat them like crap are not getting the same thing out of their multiple roles that, say, Nancy Pelosi might be.

The Power to Complain
One thing is certain: Progress has given us the license to moan and groan about our crappy jobs and husbands (and a spiffy new form of media, the blog, tailor made to such ranting!). And this, says Stevenson, further complicates studies on well-being over time. “It’s possible that in the era of the feminine mystique, women felt ashamed to admit they weren’t happy,” she says. “We might find that women haven’t changed their happiness levels; what’s changed is the social sanction for telling the truth.”

Nolen-Hoeksema even conjectures that things may have swung too far in the other direction, so that now misery has become a badge of honor. “It becomes a oneupsmanship thing,” she says. “The more completely stressed-out you are, the higher your status.” While we’ve known for a long time that viruses and fashion fads can be contagious, a burgeoning field of research has begun to show that health factors such as obesity and depression may be catching too. It’s possible, Nolen-Hoeksema says, that we could be abetting this spiral of unhappiness by giving it so much airtime. She actually wrote the book on how women tend to perseverate on the negative (Women Who Think Too Much), and her latest tome pushes women to focus on the good—the emotionally resilient, mentally flexible, socially intuitive, splendidly communicative, communitybuilding stuff about being a girl.

Stevenson also suggests the handwringing may be overkill. “Maybe being happy isn’t the ultimate goal. Maybe things are good the way they are and we need to put less pressure on ourselves to be happy. Maybe what we want is to be dog tired at the end of the day but think, I’m really happy I have this career even though it doesn’t leave a lot of time for yoga.”

Won’t you want to have a “perfect” Woman? Or a “perfect” Man?

Am not sure if any of you have heard about this “perfect” woman? She’s willowy 5 feet 7 and 120 pounds. She can chat on any subject with you. She can even impersonate personalities of movie stars! Now isn’t that a dream come true for men whose being fantasizing about making out with movie stars! What’s even more important to men, she’s ever ready for sex, anytime! The men won't hear of “Sorry Honey, I have a headache tonight”. Now isn’t that “perfect” to men, who are always so preoccupied with sex! And even more “perfect”, men can just switch her off if she talks too much or if she starts nagging.



Meeeeet Roxxxy, claimed to be the world's most sophisticated talking female sex robot. And she’s yours for life, for only a mere USD7,000!

And as I read this article, I thought this would be “perfect” to women. Think about it. Instead of thinking negatively that men soon can substitute us, real flesh and warm blooded women, am thinking that this might just be a “perfect” gift for husbands!

Imagine a typical working wife’s schedule. She gets up early morning at 6am. Wake up the kids, getting them ready for school. She had to prepare breakfast for the kids. Next tidy up the house before she gets herself ready to leave for office. She spent the next 8 to 10 hours in office. By 6pm, she has to leave to pick up the kids from babysitter. Once home, she cooked simple dinner, had dinner with the kids, cleaned up the kitchen thereafter. Then she puts in the clothes into the washer. Check that the kids do their homework. Then put them to bed. And just as she’s thinking that finally she’s going to have a good night rest, the husband wants to make love.

Am sure some of you, women readers, can relate this to your daily life. How many times, you had to give some excuses. And for some of you, you will accomodate your husband's wishes but with lack of passion as you are just physically, mentally tired. Or worse, you might just fell asleep in the midst of the love making, which is an insult to his ego. And no matter how you try to be the “perfect” woman to him, he can certainly sensed your reluctancy, your lack of enthusiasm.

So now imagine, if the working wife has this “perfect Roxxxy” woman at home. She don’t has to worry that eventually her man is going to get a lover, a mistress or worst still, go to a prostitute! There’s certainly no fear of competition for her of this “perfect Roxxxy” woman. “Perfect Roxxxy” is her temporary ally. “Perfect Roxxxy” can keep him company whilst she enjoy a quiet moment of peace, go for her spa, or spend time with her girlfriends, whilst he gets himself entertained with this “perfect Roxxxy” that will pander to every sex wish that he wants.

So what do you ladies think? Would you be jealous of “perfect Roxxxy” if your man has one?

And if there’s such an ‘emotional companion’ for men, I would like to think that it’ll be great if there’s also an ‘emotional companion’ for women too! Would ladies out there want to owe a “perfect Rocky” too?

For more on “perfect Roxxxy” article, click and copy this link:
http://edition.cnn.com/2010/TECH/02/01/sex.robot/

Is it Ok to Tell a White Lie? If it's for the Right Reason?

This article “A White Lie, for the Right Reason, May Be Just Fine” certainly hits home. It is so true what AARP's relationship expert Pepper Schwartz, said that white lies are gender-specific. “Women tend to lie about how much things cost because they often take it on themselves to keep costs down in the relationship and believe men are ignorant about how much things cost for women. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to lie about work because their egos are tied up in their careers and if things aren't going well, they don't want to look weak or unsuccessful,” she says.



I remember how my friend, Mandy use to keep her shopping’s in the car boot when she saw that her husband is home. And she will smuggle them into the house only when her husband is not around. Why Mindy does this? To her it’s just to avoid her husband exclaiming ‘shopping again?’, and he will then proceed to lecture her on her shopaholic behaviour, on whether she needs another blouse/dress, another pair of shoes, or another set of cosmetic, etc.

Although we argued that she’s not using his money after all she’s working and has her own income. But Mandy still prefers not to let him know what a shopaholic she is.

Then there’s another friend, Zana, who will also raved to her spouse what a great sale it was. And she will show off to her spouse her purchases, marking down each of the prices by another 20-30%.

For me, it’s my mum that I need to lie on the prices of my shopping. Having worked hard in her young life, never been extravagant, my mum would have a fit when she knows the real price of my Prada bag, or my Gucci bag. Or even just a simple Calvin Klien’s t-shirt.

And whilst most men are ignorant about how much things cost, I am blessed that my darling knows how much prices has escalated over the years and how expensive things have become. Hence, he would understand if I am to tell him that a household branded g-string, with that tiny bit of cloth would cost RM35!

As to it been difficult for men to tell their spouse that things are not working well with their career, my friend, Cindy too felt the same sometimes. She can tell me if things are not going to well in the office or if she’s stucked with some issues that she can’t solved. But Cindy just can’t tell her boyfriend about it. To her, her boyfriend has already placed her on this pedestal, admiring her for her intelligent and proud of her achievements, that she thinks that it will lower her image to her boyfriend if she admits her work problems to him that she’s just stressed and just can’t cope.

For Cindy, she prefers to have her boyfriend continue to be infatuated with her achievements, to continue to admire her abilities.
Is it the right way or wrong way? I would think that as long they are happy and they maintain peace at home, I suppose it’s ok to continue with these ‘small’ white lies. I called it ‘small’ as it’s not hurting anyone. It’s only hurting when the shopaholic gets out of control and starts getting into debts. Then that’s a no no.

For more reading, copy and paste this link :
http://www.thirdage.com/marriage/a-white-lie-for-the-right-reason-may-be-just-fine?page=0%2C1&utm_medium=email&utm_source=nl_relationships-love_20100114&utm_campaign=thirdage

Asian wife acccepts infidelity?

As usual a group of us were chit chatting. And this particular topic caught my interest. My friend told me that one of her office colleague discovered that her husband cheated on her when she went for a short trip. She did sensed something was not right when she came home. Her home was too clean which is unusual as she knows her husband is not a neat person. True enough 3 days later as she was finally into the final cleaning of the house, she found 2 ribbed condom packagings and 1 unused open condom. Her husband was careless and must have forgotten that he just threw it into an unused dustbin. She was devastated. Her husband was the most loving man and she thought they had a perfect relationship. Sex was good and they communicate well. She tried to find excuses that it's probably just sex. And like how a cat can't resist a fish, her husband is afterall like any other normal man.

She questioned herself, would it do any good if she was to question him? Was she going to leave him just because of this? But then if she kept quiet, would her husband continue with the relationship and it might just gets too deep? And as she start recounting the days since she's back, she realised that her husband had seen her lover again as there was an evening when he came home with his tie not probably tied which as she thought was unusual.

My friend told her that it could really be just a one off sex and confronting it would start the first distrust in their marriage. But ignoring it might just give her husband more freedom which might be too late if feelings are involved. So she told her to give herself a few days or weeks more, to observe her husband to see if there's anything unusual with his behaviour. And if she continues to have sleepless night, then she might as well face it and question him. So that she can have a normal life again, with or without him. Time always heals.

Personally I still can't accept the fact that men are accepted to just had sex as there's no feelings involved. All in the excuse that they can't control that moment of lust. If they love their partners, would they not think before they act. Would women be forgiven if women too can give in to lust?

And again, it's this Asian wife conditioning, that infidelity by husband is acceptable as long they bring home the dough! A Western wife would have raise hell already!

Younger wife = Marital bliss

Apparently, the secret to a happy marriage for men is choosing a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than you, say UK experts. These pairings are more likely to go the distance, particularly if neither has been divorced in the past, according to the Bath University team. And if the wife was five or more years older than her husband, they were more than three times as likely to divorce than if they were the same age.

However, I would say that ‘mutual aspiration of wanting the marriage to work’ is the basis for successful marriage. It’s takes two to want to make the marriage works and that means ‘tolerance’ as there’s no such thing as a perfect man or woman.

Read this interesting article.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8325579.stm

'Younger wife' for marital bliss
Beyonce and Jay-Z (Pop star Beyonce and rapper husband Jay-Z married last year)

The secret to a happy marriage for men is choosing a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than you, say UK experts. These pairings are more likely to go the distance, particularly if neither has been divorced in the past, according to the Bath University team. The findings predict a happy future for pop star Beyonce Knowles, 28, and rapper husband Jay-Z, 39. The work is published in the European Journal of Operational Research. The researchers studied interviews of more than 1,500 couples who were married or in a serious relationship. Five years later, they followed up 1,000 of the couples to see which had lasted.

For better or worse
They found that if the wife was five or more years older than her husband, they were more than three times as likely to divorce than if they were the same age. If the age gap is reversed, and the man is older than the woman, the odds of marital bliss are higher. Add in a better education for the woman - Beyonce has her high school diploma, unlike husband Jay-Z - and the chances of lasting happiness improve further.

Those who have never divorced fare better too. But couples in which one member has been through a divorce in the past are less stable than those in which both members are divorcees. Dr Emmanuel Fragniere and colleagues do say that men and women choose partners "on the basis of love, physical attraction, similarity of taste, beliefs and attitudes, and shared values." But they say that using "objective factors" such as age, education and cultural origin "may help reduce divorce".

HAVE YOUR SAY
Not so long ago the husband had to be older than his wife in order to be able to support a family, but such criteria are not so relevant now women have been educated to be able to command good jobs, so I suggest the basis for a successful marriage should be tolerance
Marion Monahan, Bristol
Send us your comments

Wife wants a divorce just because she don't like his hair cut!

My friend just told a surprising story. He went home with a new haircut, expecting his wifey to be pleased with his new look. Guess what she said when he asked, "How do you like my new haircut?" "I don't want to go Singapore with you (they were leaving for Singapore next week) and I want a divorce!" He was stunned, speechless. Seriously he was very tempted to say 'yes' to the divorce. But they were going to Singapore because their daughter flew in all the way from LA. So in this case, he makes peace. He chooses to ignore her remarks or else it'll be another quarrel. My friend's a 'mat salleh' and his wife's an Asian.

We always hear stories of women been unhappy because of their men. This time round it's the men keeping the peace at home. It's probably:
(1) He loves wifey too much, or
(2) He loves his daughter too much or
(3) It’s just another one of those crazy things she said and which she had said too often that he just ignored it, or
(4) He’s just a creature of habit, rather keep quiet and it'll pass.
Coming from a man, it's kind of unacceptable in the eyes of the society.

Another Asian Woman story.

Read this link on how some men put up with their wife’s beating. Interesting.

http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/magazines/AllWoman/html/20070909T190000-0500_127174_OBS_MY_WIFE_BEATS_ME_.asp

Asian Women's Super Clean Freak Husbands

During one of our girls' lunch outing, two of my girlfriends revealed that their husbands are "super clean neat freak". Everything has to be in their proper places, and they just lose their mind if things are not arranged orderly. And with little kids at home, how can things be in order. And each of my girlfriends is up to their neck, to be patient and to maintain calm in the family when the husbands go on a 'clean neat rampant' ranting. Whilst Asian women are known to be accommodating, tolerant but it’s up to a certain stage and there’s always a danger of a breaking point.

One of them has this point of view that like it or not, it’s always still good to have a man in the house, even if he’s not the ideal husband. Whilst the other, had plan to leave and live her own life once the kids are grown.

One of the strong key points of ‘most’ Asian women is that children still come first. As long the marriage is still bearable, Asian women will tolerate…. at least up to a point.