What's the secret of keeping that 'love' after walking down the aisle

An article from Washington Post, titled STAYING POWER, asked some couples on how they keep their love alive...beyond the wedding bells where newly wed couple will begin their next chapter of their life together. Such as buying a first home together, starting a family or simply getting to know each other as husband and wife first, and taking everything else one day at a time.

Along with the 'I dos', there may also be some unforeseen challenges. From financial hardships to stressful jobs and even the deaths of children, these types of trying situations can strain a relationship. How can newly married couples expect to make it work not just in the good, but also the bad times?

Here's some advice.

A PERFECT MIX - ANN HAND
After 57 years of marriage, Ann Hand says, "Find someone you respect deeply." The long-time jeweler for politicians and presidential first ladies is married to lawyer Lloyd Hand. "If you respect your mate and love and cherish them, that's a magical combination." The couple lives in the District and have raised five children, two of whom are deceased.

THE SWEET LIFE - WARREN BROWN
It's been almost a year since CakeLove owner Warren Brown tied the knot. So far, marriage has been -- what else? -- a cake walk. "It's all good," he says. While Brown doesn't have any specific words of wisdom, he has a newfound appreciation for the emotional and legal connection he now shares with his wife. "There's even more depth of feeling since we've been married. I think it's something that should be available to everyone regardless [of sexual orientation]," he says. "I don't think anyone should be refused the opportunity to express and receive unconditional love."

And that form of expression doesn't have to be extravagant. Giving each other a high-five after a workout or cooking dinner are all forms of 'I love you' in his household.

A SENSE OF SELF - DAVID C. DRISKELL
For renowned painter and art collector David C. Driskell, focusing on personal growth is just as important as spending time nurturing a commitment to your partner. "Have a centering which is based in faith and general civility," he mentions. One's journey for self-improvement, however, shouldn't trump spousal or family needs. "It's important to look at your time in the sense of how scheduled activities [relate] to family, to faith based institutions, to education and health issues."

Juggling so many of his own goals in addition to being a husband, Driskell and his wife of nearly 58 years, Thelma, find that communication is vital to staying on the same page. The couple has two children, five grandchildren and two great-grandchildren.

SO WHAT IS YOUR SECRET IN KEEPING A MARRIAGE ALIVE? OR WHAT DO YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE? For me, I believe these few key factors are crucial for a relationship to survive:

(1) Communications - couples must be able to talk to each other, just about anything without fear of been judge at by their other half.

(2) Interests - Partners don't need to have complete same interests but at least there should be a few similar interests.

(3) Comfortability - 'physical comfortability'. And also 'mental comfortability' where each can be doing their own things yet mentally they are at ease with each other.

(4) Laughter - sadly lots of couple forgot to laugh once the chores and responsibilities kick in.

(5) COMMITTED - if both are committed, half the battle's won.

Younger wife = Marital bliss

Apparently, the secret to a happy marriage for men is choosing a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than you, say UK experts. These pairings are more likely to go the distance, particularly if neither has been divorced in the past, according to the Bath University team. And if the wife was five or more years older than her husband, they were more than three times as likely to divorce than if they were the same age.

However, I would say that ‘mutual aspiration of wanting the marriage to work’ is the basis for successful marriage. It’s takes two to want to make the marriage works and that means ‘tolerance’ as there’s no such thing as a perfect man or woman.

Read this interesting article.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8325579.stm

'Younger wife' for marital bliss
Beyonce and Jay-Z (Pop star Beyonce and rapper husband Jay-Z married last year)

The secret to a happy marriage for men is choosing a wife who is smarter and at least five years younger than you, say UK experts. These pairings are more likely to go the distance, particularly if neither has been divorced in the past, according to the Bath University team. The findings predict a happy future for pop star Beyonce Knowles, 28, and rapper husband Jay-Z, 39. The work is published in the European Journal of Operational Research. The researchers studied interviews of more than 1,500 couples who were married or in a serious relationship. Five years later, they followed up 1,000 of the couples to see which had lasted.

For better or worse
They found that if the wife was five or more years older than her husband, they were more than three times as likely to divorce than if they were the same age. If the age gap is reversed, and the man is older than the woman, the odds of marital bliss are higher. Add in a better education for the woman - Beyonce has her high school diploma, unlike husband Jay-Z - and the chances of lasting happiness improve further.

Those who have never divorced fare better too. But couples in which one member has been through a divorce in the past are less stable than those in which both members are divorcees. Dr Emmanuel Fragniere and colleagues do say that men and women choose partners "on the basis of love, physical attraction, similarity of taste, beliefs and attitudes, and shared values." But they say that using "objective factors" such as age, education and cultural origin "may help reduce divorce".

HAVE YOUR SAY
Not so long ago the husband had to be older than his wife in order to be able to support a family, but such criteria are not so relevant now women have been educated to be able to command good jobs, so I suggest the basis for a successful marriage should be tolerance
Marion Monahan, Bristol
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