Don't expect and You won't be disappointed

It's being a while since I have written. It's Valentine today, February 14. At age of 54, Valentine has became a quiet evening, although not that I had lots of celebration before.

Am writing again to pen down my thoughts. As kids grows up, they have somehow became very outspoken individual. Gone are those days of my mom's era where kids do not answer back their parents, even if they are already in their 30s.

My friend went to visit his daughter during the Christmas holiday. For some reason, his daughter told him off that he smelt bad, and that she can't stand to be sitting on the same dining table with him. Even 'if' he really smells bad (which he don't at all), a daughter in her 30s should not have bluntly told the father off.

Would you have tell your friend off if he/she smells bad? No, we will try to be polite, to find a way to tell him/her nicely. We try to be polite. But when it's someone close to us, we do not hesitate at all to tell them off bluntly, without a care for their feelings.

Somehow this incident makes me realised that children in their independence, in their growing up into 30s, 40s, away from parents may turn out to be children that one won't have expect them to become. In this instance, am thinking, could it be because parents have expectation of them? If parents don't have expectations of them then there won't be any disappointment.

In any other circumstances, it's the same - don't expect and you won't be hurt. Just do it willingly and don't expect any reciprocation.

Do you Instagram your food?

I do. Check me out on Instagram joyleebooks

And now I know the reason why somehow the food taste better. Although if you ask me the other psychological reason - it's also 'ego'. I think all this social media sharing of your 'happening', 'fun' life, it's showing off to your friends that you are having good time. Otherwise, why isn't anyone showing pictures or updates of time when they are sad, whey they are alone. Don't you think so?

Anyway, that's a separate topic.

For now, enjoy this article Psychological case for instagramming your Food

Love thy Neighbours

The headline - "Mark Zuckerberg Sounds Like the Neighbor From Hell" immediately reminds me of my neighbours. A story that I must shared.

Mark Zuckerberg as a neighbour

Thank you. Photo: Andrew Ross, Andrew Ross, SF Chronicle.

As for Mark Zuckerberg's neighbours, I can understand and sympathies with them. Home is our sanctuary, our nest. Once we are in our home, it's supposed to exude this feeling of peace and quietness. Close your eyes and reminisce how it felt the peace and quiet. Doesn't matter that our teenage kids want to blast his rock music to the highest as long it's within the confines of his room and it doesn't disturb the neighbours.

The constant drilling, the constant banging is a noise that many can't take especially when it's over a period of hours, after hours and days after days. Not to mention the dust that they renovation are creating around the neighbourhood. To have your windows, doors, grills, all wax with layer of dust within the next hour after you had wiped it off.

However, I am writing this 'Love thy Neighbours' is because of another story that I like to share with all of you.

Along my street, I had these two neighbours that are in loggerheads for past few years already. Before I go into the full story, a non-Malaysian has to understand the concept of a linked-house, as some countries don't call it linked-house. It means the houses are linked side by side without any space in between. Hence a row of 10 houses would be linked to each other without any empty side space in-between each houses. The only leisure empty space outside of the house is the front car porch and the back yard where one can plant trees, shrubs and flowers.

These quarrels must have escalated to 'enemy' stage as one of the neighbour has installed ply wood wall on his side of the house at the front car porch area so that he don't need to ever see his neighbour. I think most of you can imagine how ugly this looks to the street in this neighbourhood.

Upon investigating, I was told that the neighbour "A" that installed this ply wood wall apparently has this obsession that neighbour "B" is always following him in whatever he does. When he paints his house purple, she paints hers too. When he changed his car, she changes hers too. And it even comes to the point that when he drives out from the 'sharing' parking space, she would drive back all the way from wherever she is, just to take over that parking lot by parking her spare car there!

So how does one deal with a neighbour like this? Who can be a judge to say is it really that neighbour "B" wants to be the Joneses or is neighbour "A" imagining all these?

I am yet to see what will happen next. I just need to write this after reading a man like "Mark Zurkerberg" also behaves like that!

How about sharing your neighbour's story?

Time Flies

I said this same sentence as everyone else, ‘time flies’. The last quarter of 2014, I was busy with preparation for my daughter’s wedding.

The start of new 2015 was another busy month for me. I spent the whole of January, busy tidying up all that happened during that last quarter. Indulged in a bit of rest and relaxation of spa and massages.

And wow….it’s now February 9th! One month plus has passed in 2015! (That was until I accidentally deleted this post and I am reposting this at the end of 1st quarter now!) So again, isn’t it right to say ‘time flies!’

I had neglected this blog and as I sat down to write, I truly salute friends that can write regularly on their blog as well as managing their career, family, and not to mention the endless chores.

As I now recollect all that I have done in 2014, I would sum it up as a year that I indulged and binged on my favorites – travel, TV shows, and food.

I traveled to Bangalore in March and stayed in a Tibetian Monastery, which I didn’t know it existed until my trip. It was spiritual and enlightening. Thank you for my spiritual friend from Mahabodhi, Leh, Ladakh.

I went to Paris in June with a good friend. Two of us were just nice. From Paris we enroute to Nice, Monaco, Monte Carlo, and Cannes. I definitely vouched for BnB anytime versus staying in hotel in this kind of exotic trip. And I finally made a trip to Versailles; the French history is so rich and fascinating. A visit to Monet’s garden was simply inspiring. Now I know where he got his motivation.

Turkey was a historical trip in October with another group of great buddies. I immersed myself in the rich history of Pamukkale, Canakkale, Cappadocia, Konya, Kusadasi, Safranbolu and Istanbul of course.

I even did a ‘round the North part of Malaysia’ drive. It was a great experience, driving to Penang and crossing from the West to the East to Terengganu via the Grik Highway and staying overnight at this lovely Belum Rainforest Resort with wonderful buddies.

And that’s not to mention my annual destination to Phuket twice and to YTL Pangkor Laut.

I finally got to binge on all those popular TV series - The Sopranos, Scandal, Mad Men, Game of Thrones, The Reign, Walking Dead, Sons of Anarchy and the new Season 4 of the American Horror Story. I even watched again the whole series of 24 and reminisced in the old Dallas TV series. In fact, I finished all the episodes in every season that are released.

I suppose it’s time that I read which I had neglected.

On my children, both my daughters changed to new job whilst am still jobless. And the eldest daughter finally married.

My son’s graduated from High School and is now applying to his preferred Universities. Everyday I pray for good luck in him being accepted into his choice of University.

It’s a blessing that I had also being spending a lot of time with my aging mom & aunties and also my siblings. I enjoyed every moment that I had with them. From just chatting to outings with each other.

Oh, of course, I continue to do my part in charity as and when I can. From participating in raising funs in charity fairs to cooking and distributing food to the homeless.

I also continued writing in my blog and started a new novel via a new app ‘wattpad’. I suppose next now is to continue with my novel.

In parting till the next blog, I would say a big THANK YOU for a wonderful 2014. I had a wonderful and a blessed 2014 and I hope 2015 will continue the same and even better. And to all my fans, friends, families and all, I wish you all the same - a great 2015 for us all.

Life's just too short to be anything but Happy!

Happiness - isn't that the thing that all of us strive to find and keep? Nobody is happy all of the time, but some people are definitely more fulfilled than others. Studies on what makes people happy reveal that it doesn't have much to do with material goods or high achievement; it seems to whittle down to your outlook on life, and the quality of your relationships with the people around you.

Be optimistic. In the 1970s, researchers followed people who'd won the lottery and found that a year after they'd hit the jackpot, they were no happier than the people who didn't. They called it hedonic adaptation, which suggests that we each have a baseline level of happiness. No matter what happens, good or bad, the effect on our happiness is only temporary and we tend to rebound to our baseline level. Some people have a higher baseline happiness level than others, and that can be attributed in part to genetics, but it's also largely influenced by how you think.

So while the remainder of this article will help boost your happiness, only improving your attitude towards life will increase your happiness permanently.

Here are some excellent starting points for doing that:

Follow your gut. In one study, two groups of people were asked to pick out a poster to take home. One group was asked to analyze their decision carefully, weighing the pros and cons, and the other group was told to listen to their gut. Two weeks later, the group that followed their gut was happier with their posters than the group that analyzed their decisions. Now, some of our decisions are more crucial than picking out posters, but by the time you're poring over your choice, the options you're weighing are probably very similar, and the difference will only temporarily affect your happiness. So next time you have a decision to make, and you're down to two or three options, just pick the one that feels right, and go with it. Never regret the decisions you make though. Just live by the 3 C's of life: choices chances, and changes. You need to make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.

Make enough money to meet your basic needs: food, shelter, and clothing. In the US, that magic number is $40,000 a year (maybe it should $50,000 now with inflation). Any money you make beyond that will not necessarily make you happier. Remember the lottery winners mentioned earlier? Oodles of money didn't make them any happier. Once you make enough money to support your basic needs, your happiness is not significantly affected by how much money you make, but by your level of optimism.

Your comfort may increase with your salary, but comfort isn't what makes people happy. It makes people bored. That's why it's important to push beyond your comfort zone to fuel your growth as a person.

Stay close to friends and family. Or move to where other members are- so you can see them more. We live in a mobile society, where people follow jobs around the country and sometimes around the world. We do this because we think increases in salary will make us happier, but the fact is that our relationships with our friends and family have a far greater impact on our happiness than our jobs do. So next time you think about relocating, consider that you'd need a salary increase of over $100,000 USD to compensate for the loss of happiness you'd have from moving away from your friends and family. But if your relationships with your family and friends are unhealthy or nonexistent, and you are bent on moving, choose a location where you'll be making about the same amount of money as everyone else; according to research, people feel more financially secure (and happier) when they're on similar financial footing as the people around them, regardless of what that footing is.

Find happiness in the job you have now. Many people expect the right job or the right career to dramatically change their level of happiness, but happiness research makes it clear that your level of optimism and the quality of your relationships eclipse the satisfaction you gain from your job. If you have a positive outlook, you will make the best of any job, and if you have good relationships with people, you won't depend on your job to give your life a greater sense of meaning. You'll find it in your interactions with the people you care about. Now that doesn't mean you shouldn't aspire towards a job that will make you happier; it means you should understand that the capacity of your job to make you happy is quite small in comparison to your outlook on life and your relationships with people.

Smile. Science suggests that when you smile, whether you feel happy or not, your mood will be elevated. So smile all the time! In addition having enough money to pay the bills allows you to focus your energies on more productive aspects of your life, such a pursuit of happiness as opposed to keeping the 'wolves from the door'.

Forgive. In a study of college students, it was found that an attitude of forgiveness contributed to better cardiovascular health. You could say that forgiveness literally heals your heart. While it is unknown how forgiveness directly affects your heart, the study suggests that it may lower the perception of stress.

Make friends who share your interests or faith. In a 2010 study by Harvard researchers published in the journal American Sociological Review, it was discovered that people who went to church regularly reported greater life satisfaction than those who didn't. The critical factor was the quality of friendships made in church. People who went to church and didn't have any close friends there were any happier than people who never went to church. When the researchers compared people who had the same number of close friends, the ones who had close friends from church were more satisfied with their lives. It’s thought that the forming of friendships based on mutual interests and beliefs (and meeting consistently based on that mutual bond) is what makes the difference, so if church itself is not your thing, consider finding something else you're deeply passionate about and making friends who you can connect with regularly based on that.

Tips
Just because something seems to make other people happy doesn't mean that it really does. People are very good at pretending they're happy, especially when they've invested so much into the things that are supposed to make them happy; it's hard to admit that you've been placing all your eggs in the wrong basket.

When you're purposely trying to be happy or cheerful, but just can't seem to achieve it at the moment, do something crazy:
• Turn your favorite music up loud and do a stupid dance to it.
• Talk to yourself in the mirror.
• Try a new food.
• Rearrange your room in a weird way.
• Write a funny or inspiring quote on your mirror/wall/locker. Scream as loud as you can (warn your family first!).
• Bounce up and down, jump all around.
• Get your swimsuit on, go outside and turn the hose on yourself, if it's a hot day.

It's stupid, crazy, weird stuff like that that seems pointless, but could actually lift your mood after you do it, just because you're glad you did it.

Most fundamentally, recognize that happiness is a state of mind and not something that can be defined objectively. You can change your state of mind in many ways including these suggestions.

When you're old enough and in a steady relationship, has a son or a daughter. Tell them often how much you love and admire him/her and do anything to help him/her. Keep in close touch with relatives and a small circle of friends. You can't beat their love and support. Don't be afraid to admit when you're down and need a lift. Don't expect them to be mind readers - say how you feel and what you need.

Conversely, if there's a person in your life who is a negative influence and who is dragging you down in some way, don't be afraid to remove such a person from your life.

Warnings:
If you are constantly unhappy or depressed, seek professional help.

Remember:
Happy people are not happy all the time.
Everyone has times when they feel sad, frustrated, guilty, and angry and so on.
Happy people are just better at bouncing back to a state of contentedness.
We may all feel negative at some moment in our lives, but try to bounce back and live in the moment, and be content with everything you do.

It just means that ‘NOTHING IS PERMANENT.’
Just ‘ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE.’

May all my readers here BE HAPPY ALWAYS!

To Stay or Not to Stay in a Marriage

I received this sms message from my girlfriend, Annie three months ago.

“Last nite was a horrible evening
My son was in the clinic coz his father hit him so hard on the stomach
He uses my son guitar stand to hit my son. The stand is solid wood
I wasn't home at that time
When I found out.. I told him that I'm moving out very soon n my lawyer will see him for a separations n divorce
It was bad nite!
No one will be hurt further
I may ned help from my gal frens
But now I will start packing my son first
Then I focus to start work @ABC Company
Then on weekends I will start packing bit by bit”

This is not the first time that Annie’s husband, father to their son, had hit the son. In fact, he had even tried to hit her before but she was smart to block it and threaten him on it. It was a smart move as in most cases, once a husband had laid their hands on the wife, the husband will always do that thereafter whenever he’s angry. So because the husband can’t lay his hands on her, she thinks that he is turning his anger on their son.

At that time of this sms, Annie was all ready to pack her bags. She started consulting to all her friends. Asked lawyer for advice. Even looked around for a place to stay with her son.

She told the husband that she is leaving. He pleaded with her and promised her that it will never happen again. Their son too, is forgiving; after all it’s the father.

So now it’s already three months and Annie is still living in the same house. She has cleared out a storeroom in the house and made it her room now. So now she and husband is sleeping in separate room. She is not happy but she has chosen to remain as husband and wife to the eyes of the outsiders.

Why?

We can all only ask the question. But only Annie knows why she had stay on.

I wrote this now as I just had a chat with another girlfriend, Sally. Sally also wanted to leave her husband many times already. However, in Sally’s case, it wasn’t physical abuse. It was a case of an irresponsible husband that couldn’t keep a job. Now the husband is just lazing around at home.

Sally is tried of being the responsible breadwinner of a household of 3 young children. Her husband too, pleaded with her to give him another chance. And that he will find a job within a month. But Sally has no confidence as she knew that even though he finds a job, he will not keep his job for long, like all the many times before.
In this case, Sally is very determined to leave.

Amongst us three friends, we had split opinion if Sally should stay or not to stay.

Why Stay?

Ultimately children bear the brunt of all divorces. If the divorce ends amicably then it would not affect the children so much as both parents are still on talking terms where children’s welfare are concerned.

But if the divorce ends in quarrel then the children will be affected where they’ll be caught emotionally in between two parents that they loved.

Moreover with Sally, it’s not that the husband is abusive or that they are quarrelling ever so often. Sally even admitted that they still share the same bed and continues to be intimate when the need arises.

To Sally, it is more a case of her getting angry that the husband is not doing what he should be doing! Be the breadwinner of the family. Angry and tired that she is always the one to be planning ahead for the family, to be the one to think of the future.

To stay would mean that it’s only Sally that is unhappy. To stay means that it is Sally sacrificing her own happiness for the sake of giving her children a complete family with father and mother together. Moreover, her youngest son is still young and is attach to the father.

Why Not to Stay?

Sally felt that she has given more than enough chances to the husband. She feels that he will continue to give broken promises and will continue to not take his role as the breadwinner seriously as each time she stays back after threatening to leave.

And Sally with the family has just moved in to live with her in-law to cut down the financial expenses since her in-law is staying alone. She can see that her youngest son is getting attach to the grandmother.

Sally knew that divorcing now means that the husband will not ask for any financial compensation as the husband is still financially capable of taking care of himself.

Hence, Sally feels that she should speed up the divorce now while he still has financial means to take care of himself versus when he is broke and will demand compensation from her later.

So which is the right decision?

To me, I feel that to stay or not to stay in a marriage is not for a friend to advice as her advice is only based on the situation that was told.

But in reality, only Sally knows the depth of her feelings of hurt, disappointment and unhappiness.

Only Sally knows that if she stays, can she continue to bear the burden, take the unhappiness, and be the sacrificial lamb, in return for the fulfillment of an intact family for the children?

And if she decides to not stay, is she strong enough to take up the long process of divorce filing, quarrels and maybe ugly scenes? Can she take the challenge of being a single parent to her three children, all by herself?

Sally needs to weight the pros and cons of staying or leaving. To think of the consequences of either decision.


So for Annie, 'maybe' it's a case of living with the known than the unknown.

Life is Short! Don't Wait!

A most shocking news came in this morning. My long time ex-colleague, Foo just passed away last night in New Zealand. How? Because of a stroke!

Foo

He was a healthy man, in his fifties. I followed his activities on Facebook, pictures of him enjoying nature outing trips with family and friends, always looking fit and healthy. And now he’s gone, forever, just like that!

I was glad that I made time to meet up with him with few other ex-colleagues when he came back to Kuala Lumpur recently. This time round, he shared so much with us, on how he moved to New Zealand, the little hardship he faces initially and how it had all paid off. And he was still the same good old jovial Foo.

Rest in peace Foo. May God Bless your Soul. My deepest condolences to your family. They are blessed with a good husband and a good father.

Dad
This news of death brings back memories of all the deaths that had happened recently since my Dad who passed away in December 2013.

(Dad. In his 20s)

My Dad was 85 years old. He was having all the usual old age sickness. By the time, he passed on, he was just lying in bed, unable to walk. All of us - my mom, my sisters, and nieces were all helping in feeding and cleaning him. His mind was still alert and that was the most painful. Knowing that he now can’t walk and move about like he used to makes him irritated sometimes. Especially when he had to depend on others for every little things. Hence, at his age, maybe it was a blessing that he passed on finally.

I don’t have regrets of my Dad passing on as we children had all taken care of him well during his living days. Travel, good food, celebrations at home with family, with his favorite - his grandkids. And Dad enjoys it all.

He had traveled many times to China, his favorite destination. Most importantly he had visited his father’s birthplace - Eng Choon or better known as Yong Chun in Fujian.

My most vivid memory of Dad was I standing beside him at his mahjong table in the village coffee shop. I must be just about aged 6 or 7 years old. I will always looked at the amount of chips he had and if there’s a lot of chips I will whisper to Dad for money to buy sweets. And he will always happily gave to me when he is winning.

Dad, rest in peace. I am happy that we, children had done what we should do – taking care of you at your old age.
Wherever you are, may you have already had a good rebirth.
We love you Dad. Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu.

Cousin Brother - Kim Kui
2 months after my Dad passed away, my cousin sister’s husband, Kim Kui passed away too. He was in his 60s. He was all healthy till he had a sudden mild heart attack where he discovered he had a clogged artery in his heart. Doing a simple operation saved him – a laser blast to unblocked his clogged artery. But somehow after a week or two, he relapsed and he passed away. His too, was most unexpected. My memory of him was when he was a young man in his 20s. He was then pursuing my cousin sister. We as kids were in the advantage as he took care of us well since he was chasing after my cousin sister. He too was a nice jovial guy. My cousin sister, Ah Lian was blessed as he loves her till the end. May God Bless Him. May he Rest In Peace. Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu.

Kow Khim

Just last Saturday, September 13, I attended my Kow Khim’s (9th Aunty) funeral. Her’s too was a sudden death. My aunty was 76 years old. She was my mother’s brother’s wife. She has being having problems with her legs, her spine. But she was still walking and I would say, still healthy.

My memories of my Kow Khim are of her always asking me to eat. My parents worked very hard to feed us. Hence, Mom was too busy to cook. As such I would go to my maternal Grandfather’s house after school for my lunch. In those days, it was a Chinese custom to have few sons living in the same house, despite being married and with kids. Hence, my Grandfather’s house had four of his sons living there with their wives and children. And my memory is always this nice aunty hovering around us kids, making sure that we kids eat.

I was glad that I visited Kow Khim with my mom on a Sunday, just a week before the Moon Cake Festival. Every year I would buy her a box of moon cake. I remember she was her courteous self, always wanting to serve us tea. Always asking if we had our meals. It’s a traditional Chinese custom to always ask, ‘Have you eaten?’ whenever a guest comes to the house. I think it was due to the fact that China in those olden days was very poor. Hence, the polite way of always asking ‘Have you eaten?’

My last memory of Kow Khim was she sitting on a high stool, cooking noodles for his eldest son that Sunday. She was very happy, telling us that his son is coming back to eat. She reconfirms the fact that parents will also be parents no matter how old their children has grown.

Rest in Peace Kow Khim. You have left behind a great legacy of sons and daughters, grandsons and granddaughters, all loving you. You would already have a good rebirth for all your kind-heartedness. Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu.

TO ALL
With all these recent deaths, it just meant that:

Life is short. Life is too Short.
We should not take life for granted.
We should not think that we would always have tomorrow.
Wherever possible, make time for your loved ones.
Especially your Parents.
Understandable that we all have to make a living.
But if our Parents can be there anytime for us when we were young.
Can we not at least be there for them, if not every day but at least once a week?
And if children are living far away, call and talk to them at least once a week.

Lastly, say a Prayer of THANK YOU every morning for having another Beautiful Day. God Bless Us All.

Where has the time gone?

When I reactivated my blog, I told myself I have to write a new post at least once a week and consistently post it every Thursday so that my fans have time to read during the weekend and hopefully as time goes by, will look out to reading my blog every weekend. And so I did for the past 3 blogs. But this week, the time seems to fly by and I missed my Thursday posting.

And thus, I asked myself, ‘Where has time gone?’

When I started to think of this phrase, I recalled that most of my friends think the same. And these phrases seems to repeat itself whenever we meet:
• Where has the time gone?
• Times seems to fly!
• Don’t you think time seems to pass by faster these days?
• Is it because we are older that time passes so fast?
• I don’t seem to have enough time!

Or gosh,
• It’s September already!
• It’s 4th quarter of the year soon!
• Christmas is coming round the corner again!
• Chinese New Year is just 5 months away!

Then I thought of my younger days. Time seems to pass so very slowly. I remember how I waited for school holiday to start. And how when school holiday comes, each day seems to pass so slowly although I am having great time with my friends. Then we waited for so long for Chinese New Year, eagerly looking forward to wearing new dress, eating the once a year cookies and receiving ang pows from our parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles.

So how is it so that time seems to fly faster now that we are older?

I think it’s because of these 4 reasons:

(1) Counting the days when we were younger
Don’t you all agree that we count down the days when we were younger? We were more focused on time, on days of the week. We count the days to the test, count the days to the school break, and count the days to the school excursions that we are going to.

(2) Less attention to time when we are older
But now as we age, we are more focused on our family life, our friends, our activities, our chores, our duties, our holiday plans…the lists are endless. As a result we don’t notice the passage of time. We work on our list of chores continuously that by noon or by end day, we’ll look at the time and ask, “Gosh, where has the time gone? It’s lunchtime already!”

(3) Anticipating something slows down the time
Yes, when we anticipate good things, e.g. a holiday, the time seems to pass slower. Again, it’s because we start counting the days!

(4) Too much to do causes stress and speeds up time
I totally agreed to this. When there’s a list of tasks to do within a given timeline, I always felt stress. Stress because I started worrying that I don’t have enough time to do it. As a result I felt that time seems to pass so fast as I keep thinking I still have so much to do and I don’t have enough time.

So in concluding, it’s not that time is passing faster now that we are older. But it’s just that now that we are older, we have more responsibilities, we have extended families, and we have more friends...which means more activities. Thus always feeling that there’s just not enough time to complete our chores, our responsibilities, not to mention catching up with our families, relatives, school mates, colleagues, friends, etc.

Whilst these feelings are inescapable, we should just go with the flow. Take time to slow down in the midst of our chores. Take time to be aware of what you are really doing at that precise moment instead of rushing through. Pause to look closely at the trees, at the leaves, at the flowers. When you are with your family, relations, friends, etc. take time to be with them, to enjoy their company.

So rest assured that the next time you look at the clock, the time that you sees is just working fine, and it’s the same time, be it when you were younger or older!

DO YOU ALL NOT AGREE?

THANK YOU to 'Sweet Kisses & Dirty Dishes' and 'Calvin & Hobbes' for the images.

Life Lessons Quotes

Good day to all. Whenever I have these vibes that negative feelings are arising in me, I would start reading these motivating life lessons quotes. It had never fails to leaves me feeling positive, feeling good of myself as I know I do as much as possible practice all these life lessons that are preached here. I like to share to all of you too and I hope that after reading these quotes, it would help you all too whenever you need some guidance to feeling motivated, positive and good of yourself.

I want to thanks Regina Brett for this 'Life Lessons'. Here's her original link.
http://www.reginabrett.com/life_lessons.php

Happiness is the True Wealth

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don't worry, God never blinks.

16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19.. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy clothes. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

THANK YOU to http://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/work-and-office

Taking Good Life for Granted!

Is there such thing as ‘taking the good life for granted’?

I have always believe in having faith, in thinking positively and in being blessed with good luck, good fortune always. It’s because whenever things seem to be going wrong, it will somehow straighten itself out within a week or two for me.

One of my ex-colleagues too has being having a good life with everything smooth sailing until she loses her job early this year. She couldn’t believe that finding a job is so difficult for her as she has all the relevant experiences in that particular field. After exploring with countless headhunters, even to the point of going into Jobstreet for her senior level, she is now sinking into depression for the first time in her life.

I try to console her with the only believe that I think will work.

I believe that each and every one of us will somehow experience a down time in our life at least once, if not a couple of times. And I can only encourage those that are experiencing this down time to stay motivated by thinking of this one key point.

Think Positive! Stay Positive!

I believe that a positive mind will radiate a positive aura around you. A positive aura in turn will somehow attract good luck to you. And this good luck will attract all the positive opportunities to you.

Just as joyful people attract laughter and happiness. This theory works the same with thinking and staying positive.

Some of you might say, it’s easier said then done. This I agreed. It is very difficult to keep feeling positive after receiving negative news for each interview that you had thought was a good interview.

Hence, the trick to staying positive is to turn negative thoughts away the minute you realize you are thinking negative thoughts. It is not easy to switch your thoughts immediately but with consciousness and persistency, you will eventually master this.

It’s almost like meditation. When a thought arises, you are suppose to just notice the thoughts, to know that you are thinking and to try to get back to meditation again.

As always ‘practice makes perfect.’ Hence, with a conscious thought, you will eventually train your mind to think positive, thus to stay positive.

To all that are going through ‘down times’ now, may you all be blessed to overcome this soon and to be well and happy, well and happy, well and happy. God Bless. Amen.

In parting, here's 'How to train your brain to stay positive.'

PS: Thank you for the images to
http://www.fitspo.com.au
http://quotepixel.com/
http://www.entrepreneur.com/

I Hate You, Mom.

To all fans,

Am back after a long break. It has been an eventful long break. I had changed my blog to “AskWomen” after considering the good advices from fans and friends. #AskWomen because the topics discussed here are universal to women all over the world. It makes good sense.

I had also embarked on my book finally and had started e publishing the book titled ‘Broken Dreams’ via this great ‘wattpad’ app. - http://www.wattpad.com/44209175-about-broken-dreams

Please do ‘FOLLOW’, ‘LIKE’ and ‘SHARE’ it. I Thank You for the support.

Well, am starting off my renamed blog with this topic - “I Hate You Mom.”

As a Mom with teenage and adult children, I can understand how another Mom would feel when her ‘grown’ child blames her for the family break-up and telling Mom that “She Hates Her.’ This is not in the heat of moment like how a little child would said it because she couldn’t get to buy her favorite toy but it was said during a serious discussion in a serious tone.

This Mom is devastated; confused that she now even thinks it is truly her fault that the family broke up.

I just can’t see this Mom going through the pain knowing that she has done everything she could to save the marriage. Many chances were given to her spouse, the dad. Even to the extend of buying ‘help’ books to assist him. Finally to even, listing out the things that each spouse should change.

But dad didn’t change or couldn't change. So Mom just need to have an outlet to confide to someone. It so happens that Mom broke down at that moment when she was with a ‘guy’ friend. Guy friend was sympathetic, listened well, knowing when to offer advice and when just to listen. And so each confession becomes more regular and one thing leads to another. And an affair begins.

So the Mom had an affair. But don’t all Moms agree that a Mom would never ever have an affair if her marriage were a happy marriage. Especially Mom with growing up kids. I was once a working Mom too. And I understand how busy a working Mom is, having to rush back from office to attend to their children, not to mention the many chores awaiting them. Why would a Mom get herself into an affair when she doesn’t even have time for herself?

Of course, Dad found out about the affair. There were many serious quarrels, accusations thereafter. As the child was still young than and for the child sake, both stayed together. But the child was an only child and she had experienced the love of a pair of doting, loving parents with happy family meal time, happy outings, and holidays together since she was a toddler. Then she saw all the quarrels, the separate holidays, separate meal time, the non-harmonious atmosphere at home which the Dad did not bother to keep these ugly scenes from her. Whilst the Mom had always taken care to keep all the unhappiness, the arguments she was going through from her daughter. Which of course resulted in the daughter blaming the Mom for the family break-up, as she has not seen any quarrels prior to Mom having an affair.

All these affected her through her growing up years and the feelings built up inside her that she just let it all out on that particular day, just before she leaves home for college – ‘I hate you. You were the one that broke up the family. You were the one that causes Dad to be this way because Dad was so devastated!’

Before my readers here can judge. I should give some background to the issues that the poor Mom was facing - Dad’s heavy drinking to the point of being an alcoholic. And like most alcoholic, Dad talks more when drunk. More abusive – only verbal abuse – thank goodness. Finally to the point of bringing the abuse to the bedroom which we don’t need to go into the details. Of course being alcoholic means no exercise too and Dad gets bigger and heavier.

Hence, my dear readers, how would you advise the Mom?

I think there is no point in going into the fact of who’s right or who’s wrong.

The main concern is how would the relationship between the Mom and Daughter be salvaged. She has gone to college and likely will not be communicating much now with Mom. As the Chinese would said ‘Now you have wings, you can fly.’

Or how about share any story of similar “I hate you Mom." Either from your own experience or from a friend.

(THANK YOU to http://www.wattpad.com/528069-dear-mom-i-hate-you for the image)

The real pain begins when they're grown!

When they'grown, the real pain begins!

So true. I worry endlessly of my kids. Do you?

Even my Mum, now 76 years old, still calls me at night and ask if I am home. She will still keep telling me the same thing, 'Don't come home too late. The society is not so safe now. Be careful when you drive...and so on.' I felt touch and I had to say that sometimes I do missed her concern. And having said that, she's still worrying about me when I am already 50, very much old enough to take care of myself. Not to mention that I have my own children to worry about. Mum still worries when am travelling. She belongs to the era where women are to be seen and not hurt. Where women do not travel alone, check into hotel alone.

My Dad too worries about me, especially when am driving. It is very heartwarming, when Dad will stand at the gate to see me drives off each time I came to visit Dad. He worried of motorbiker driving up and snatching my handbag when am walking to my car.

For me, when my kids are young, I worried but it's a different level of worrying. When they are young, all I just need are time to care and time to show them with my love.

Now that they are grown, I worried more of will they make good new friends in Uni, in the office? Will they get along with their bosses? If they be conned by being too trusting. I worried if they can adapt to the society. Worry if they bosses will like them and see them as a genuius like the way I see my child. I worried of the friends they make. And especially the partner that they will choose.

Soon I guess I be worrying about my grandchildren next.

It's a cycle of life. Our parents gave birth to us, worried about us and we in turn gave birth to our children, worried about them and next our children be having their children and worrying of their children.

Do read this article by Booming of New York Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/28/booming/when-theyre-grown-the-real-pain-begins.html?src=me&ref=general&_r=0 It so resonates with me and I am sure all mothers too will feel this way.

Health is the true Wealth

It certainly has being a long while since I last wrote on my blog. It reminds me just how I have got caught up with a typical lifestyle of want to accomplish more than what we can do.

I had to share this article as I am touched by Dr. Richard's transcript. It resonance on what most young kids are being told these days - to pursue for excellence, to earn lots of money, to possess all those rich materials stuffs. And you be judged by what you owns. And that was exactly what he does. He reaps the fruits of his success until the day when he discovered he had cancer.

And I hope this article will reminds all that "HEALTH IS THE BEST WEALTH". And to take time to have COMPASSION for those less fortunate, while we are pursuing our daily busy lifestyle.

Do read the following which is from his own words. Thanks to this Facebook group that shared on his transcript.

IN MEMORY OF DR. RICHARD TEO (1972 - 2012), A 40-YEAR-OLD MILLIONAIRE AND COSMETIC SURGEON WITH A STAGE-4 LUNG CANCER BUT SELFLESSLY SHARED HIS LIFE EXPERIENCES. HE PASSED AWAY ON 18 OCTOBER 2012.

Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse, so please bear with me. I thought I’ll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I’m a medical doctor. And I thought I’ll just share some thoughts of my life. It's my pleasure to be invited by prof. Hopefully, it can get you thinking about how... as you pursue this.. embarking on your training to become dental surgeons, to think about other things as well.

Since young, I am a typical product of today's society. Relatively successful product that society requires.. From young, I came from a below average family. I was told by the media... and people around me that happiness is about success. And that success is about being wealthy. With this mind-set, I've always be extremely competitive, since I was young.

Not only do I need to go to the top school, I need to have success in all fields. Uniform groups, track, everything. I needed to get trophies, needed to be successful, I needed to have colours award, national colours award, everything. So I was highly competitive since young. I went on to medical school, graduated as a doctor. Some of you may know that within the medical faculty, ophthalmology is one of the most highly sought after specialities. So I went after that as well. I was given a traineeship in ophthalmology, I was also given a research scholarship by NUS to develop lasers to treat the eye.

So in the process, I was given 2 patents, one for the medical devices, and another for the lasers. And you know what, all this academic achievements did not bring me any wealth. So once I completed my bond with MOH, I decided that this is taking too long, the training in eye surgery is just taking too long. And there's lots of money to be made in the private sector. If you're aware, in the last few years, there is this rise in aesthetic medicine. Tons of money to be made there. So I decided, well, enough of staying in institution, it's time to leave. So I quit my training halfway and I went on to set up my aesthetic clinic... in town, together with a day surgery centre.

You know the irony is that people do not make heroes out average GP (general practitioner), family physicians. They don't. They make heroes out of people who are rich and famous. People who are not happy to pay $20 to see a GP, the same person have no qualms paying ten thousand dollars for a liposuction, 15 thousand dollars for a breast augmentation, and so on and so forth. So it's a no brainer isn't? Why do you want to be a gp? Become an aesthetic physician. So instead of healing the sick and ill, I decided that I'll become a glorified beautician. So, business was good, very good. It started off with waiting of one week, then became 3weeks, then one month, then 2 months, then 3 months. I was overwhelmed; there were just too many patients. Vanities are fantastic business. I employed one doctor, the second doctor, the 3rd doctor, the 4th doctor. And within the 1st year, we're already raking in millions. Just the 1st year. But never is enough because I was so obsessed with it. I started to expand into Indonesia to get all the rich Indonesian tai-tais who wouldn't blink an eye to have a procedure done. So life was really good.

So what do I do with the spare cash. How do I spend my weekends? Typically, I'll have car club gatherings. I take out my track car, with spare cash I got myself a track car. We have car club gatherings. We'll go up to Sepang in Malaysia. We'll go for car racing. And it was my life. With other spare cash, what do i do? I get myself a Ferrari. At that time, the 458 wasn't out, it's just a spider convertible, 430. This is a friend of mine, a schoolmate who is a forex trader, a banker. So he got a red one, he was wanting all along a red one, I was getting the silver one.

So what do I do after getting a car? It's time to buy a house, to build our own bungalows. So we go around looking for a land to build our own bungalows, we went around hunting. So how do i live my life? Well, we all think we have to mix around with the rich and famous. This is one of the Miss Universe. So we hang around with the beautiful, rich and famous. This by the way is an internet founder. So this is how we spend our lives, with dining and all the restaurants and Michelin Chefs you know.
So I reach a point in life that I got everything for my life. I was at the pinnacle of my career and all. That's me one year ago in the gym and I thought I was like, having everything under control and reaching the pinnacle.

Well, I was wrong. I didn't have everything under control. About last year March, I started to develop backache in the middle of nowhere. I thought maybe it was all the heavy squats I was doing. So I went to SGH, saw my classmate to do an MRI, to make sure it's not a slipped disc or anything. And that evening, he called me up and said that we found bone marrow replacement in your spine. I said, sorry what does that mean? I mean I know what it means, but I couldn't accept that. I was like “Are you serious?” I was still running around going to the gym you know. But we had more scans the next day, PET scans - positrons emission scans, they found that actually I have stage 4 terminal lung cancer. I was like "Whoa where did that come from?” It has already spread to the brain, the spine, the liver and the adrenals. And you know one moment I was there, totally thinking that I have everything under control, thinking that I've reached the pinnacle of my life. But the next moment, I have just lost it.

This is a CT scan of the lungs itself. If you look at it, every single dot there is a tumour. We call this miliaries tumour. And in fact, I have tens of thousands of them in the lungs. So, I was told that even with chemotherapy, that I'll have about 3-4months at most.

Did my life come crushing on, of course it did, who wouldn't? I went into depression, of course, severe depression and I thought I had everything.

See the irony is that all these things that I have, the success, the trophies, my cars, my house and all. I thought that brought me happiness. But i was feeling really down, having severe depression. Having all these thoughts of my possessions, they brought me no joy. The thought of... You know, I can hug my Ferrari to sleep, no... No, it is not going to happen. It brought not a single comfort during my last ten months. And I thought they were, but they were not true happiness. But it wasn't. What really brought me joy in the last ten months was interaction with people, my loved ones, friends, people who genuinely care about me, they laugh and cry with me, and they are able to identify the pain and suffering I was going through. That brought joy to me, happiness. None of the things I have, all the possessions, and I thought those were supposed to bring me happiness. But it didn't, because if it did, I would have felt happy think about it, when I was feeling most down.

You know the classical Chinese New Year that is coming up. In the past, what do I do? Well, I will usually drive my flashy car to do my rounds, visit my relatives, to show it off to my friends. And I thought that was joy, you know. I thought that was really joy. But do you really think that my relatives and friends, whom some of them have difficulty trying to make ends meet, that will truly share the joy with me? Seeing me driving my flashy car and showing off to them? No, no way. They won’t be sharing joy with me. They were having problems trying to make ends meet, taking public transport. In fact i think, what I have done is more like you know, making them envious, jealous of all I have. In fact, sometimes even hatred.

Those are what we call objects of envy. I have them, I show them off to them and I feel it can fill my own pride and ego. That didn't bring any joy to these people, to my friends and relatives, and I thought they were real joy.

Well, let me just share another story with you. You know when I was about your age, I stayed in king Edward VII hall. I had this friend whom I thought was strange. Her name is Jennifer, we're still good friends. And as I walk along the path, she would, if she sees a snail, she would actually pick up the snail and put it along the grass patch. I was like why do you need to do that? Why dirty your hands? It’s just a snail. The truth is she could feel for the snail. The thought of being crushed to death is real to her, but to me it's just a snail. If you can't get out of the pathway of humans then you deserve to be crushed, it’s part of evolution isn't it? What an irony isn't it?

There I was being trained as a doctor, to be compassionate, to be able to empathise; but I couldn't. As a house officer, I graduated from medical school, posted to the oncology department at NUH. And, every day, every other day I witness death in the cancer department. When I see how they suffered, I see all the pain they went through. I see all the morphine they have to press every few minutes just to relieve their pain. I see them struggling with their oxygen breathing their last breath and all. But it was just a job. When I went to clinic every day, to the wards every day, take blood, give the medication but was the patient real to me? They weren't real to me. It was just a job, I do it, I get out of the ward, I can't wait to get home, I do my own stuff.

Was the pain, was the suffering the patients went through real? No. Of course I know all the medical terms to describe how they feel, all the suffering they went through. But in truth, I did not know how they feel, not until I became a patient. It is until now; I truly understand how they feel. And, if you ask me, would I have been a very different doctor if I were to re-live my life now, I can tell you yes I will. Because I truly understand how the patients feel now. And sometimes, you have to learn it the hard way.

Even as you start just your first year, and you embark this journey to become dental surgeons, let me just challenge you on two fronts.

Inevitably, all of you here will start to go into private practice. You will start to accumulate wealth. I can guarantee you. Just doing an implant can bring you thousands of dollars, it's fantastic money. And actually there is nothing wrong with being successful, with being rich or wealthy, absolutely nothing wrong. The only trouble is that a lot of us like myself couldn't handle it.

Why do I say that? Because when I start to accumulate, the more I have, the more I want. The more I wanted, the more obsessed I became. Like what I showed you earlier on, all I can was basically to get more possessions, to reach the pinnacle of what society did to us, of what society wants us to be. I became so obsessed that nothing else really mattered to me. Patients were just a source of income, and I tried to squeeze every single cent out of these patients.

A lot of times we forget, whom we are supposed to be serving. We become so lost that we serve nobody else but just ourselves. That was what happened to me. Whether it is in the medical, the dental fraternity, I can tell you, right now in the private practice, sometimes we just advise patients on treatment that is not indicated. Grey areas. And even though it is not necessary, we kind of advocate it. Even at this point, I know who are my friends and who genuinely cared for me and who are the ones who try to make money out of me by selling me "hope". We kind of lose our moral compass along the way. Because we just want to make money.

Worse, I can tell you, over the last few years, we bad mouth our fellow colleagues, our fellow competitors in the industry. We have no qualms about it. So if we can put them down to give ourselves an advantage, we do it. And that's what happening right now, medical, dental everywhere. My challenge to you is not to lose that moral compass. I learnt it the hard way, I hope you don't ever have to do it.

Secondly, a lot of us will start to get numb to our patients as we start to practise. Whether is it government hospitals, private practice, I can tell you when I was in the hospital, with stacks of patient folders, I can't wait to get rid of those folders as soon as possible; I can't wait to get patients out of my consultation room as soon as possible because there is just so many, and that's a reality. Because it becomes a job, a very routine job. And this is just part of it. Do I truly know how the patient feels back then? No, I don't. The fears and anxiety and all, do I truly understand what they are going through? I don't, not until when this happens to me and I think that is one of the biggest flaws in our system.

We’re being trained to be healthcare providers, professional, and all and yet we don't know how exactly they feel. I'm not asking you to get involved emotionally, I don't think that is professional but do we actually make a real effort to understand their pain and all? Most of us won’t, alright, I can assure you. So don't lose it, my challenge to you is to always be able to put yourself in your patient's shoes.
Because the pain, the anxiety, the fear are very real even though it's not real to you, it's real to them. So don't lose it and you know, right now I'm in the midst of my 5th cycle of my chemotherapy. I can tell you it’s a terrible feeling. Chemotherapy is one of those things that you don't wish even your enemies to go through because it's just suffering, lousy feeling, throwing out, you don't even know if you can retain your meals or not. Terrible feeling! And even with whatever little energy now I have, I try to reach out to other cancer patients because I truly understand what pain and suffering is like. But it's kind of little too late and too little.

You guys have a bright future ahead of you with all the resource and energy, so I’m going to challenge you to go beyond your immediate patients. To understand that there are people out there who are truly in pain, truly in hardship. Don’t get the idea that only poor people suffer. It is not true. A lot of these poor people do not have much in the first place, they are easily contented. for all you know they are happier than you and me but there are out there, people who are suffering mentally, physically, hardship, emotionally, financially and so on and so forth, and they are real. We choose to ignore them or we just don't want to know that they exist.

So do think about it alright, even as you go on to become professionals and dental surgeons and all. That you can reach out to these people who are in need. Whatever you do can make a large difference to them. I'm now at the receiving end so I know how it feels, someone who genuinely care for you, encourage and all. It makes a lot of difference to me. That’s what happens after treatment. I had a treatment recently, but I’ll leave this for another day. A lot of things happened along the way, that's why I am still able to talk to you today.

I'll just end of with this quote here, it's from this book called Tuesdays with Morris, and some of you may have read it. Everyone knows that they are going to die; every one of us knows that. The truth is, none of us believe it because if we did, we will do things differently. When I faced death, when I had to, I stripped myself off all stuff totally and I focused only on what is essential. The irony is that a lot of times, only when we learn how to die then we learn how to live. I know it sounds very morbid for this morning but it's the truth, this is what I’m going through.

Don’t let society tell you how to live. Don’t let the media tell you what you're supposed to do. Those things happened to me. And I led this life thinking that these are going to bring me happiness. I hope that you will think about it and decide for yourself how you want to live your own life. Not according to what other people tell you to do, and you have to decide whether you want to serve yourself, whether you are going to make a difference in somebody else's life. Because true happiness doesn't come from serving yourself. I thought it was but it didn't turn out that way.

Also most importantly, I think true joy comes from knowing God. Not knowing about God – I mean, you can read the bible and know about God – but knowing God personally; getting a relationship with God. I think that’s the most important. That’s what I’ve learnt.

So if I were to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in our lives, the better it is. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I had to learn it through the hard way. I had to come back to God to thank Him for this opportunity because I’ve had 3 major accidents in my past – car accidents. You know, these sports car accidents – I was always speeding , but somehow I always came out alive, even with the car almost being overturned. And I wouldn’t have had a chance. Who knows, I don’t know where else I’d be going to! Even though I was baptised it was just a show, but the fact that this has happened, it gave me a chance to come back to God.

Few things I’d learnt though:

1. Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart – this is so important.

2. Is to love and serve others, not just ourselves.

There is nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. I think it’s absolutely alright, cos God has blessed. So many people are blessed with good wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth and lose focus. Instead of worshipping God, we worship wealth. It’s just a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it.

We are all professionals, and when we go into private practise, we start to build up our wealth – inevitably. So my thought are, when you start to build up wealth and when the opportunity comes, do remember that all these things don’t belong to us. We don’t really own it nor have rights to this wealth. It’s actually God’s gift to us. Remember that it’s more important to further His Kingdom rather than to further ourselves.

Anyway I think that I’ve gone through it, and I know that wealth without God is empty. It is more important that you fill up the wealth, as you build it up subsequently, as professionals and all, you need to fill it up with the wealth of God.

(Please share his photo and words with others)
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10152221189320206&set=a.10151996570745206.880607.318457950205&type=1&theater

Can Relationship survived without Trust

HERE’S TO SHARE A SNIPPET OF MY BOOK. AM ASKING IF ANY OF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HELP ME IN CONTINUING WITH A PARAGRAPH OF THIS STORY.

READ TO THE END OF THIS POST AND TELL ME WHAT WOULD BE JOY’S ADVISE TO ROSE AT THE END OF THIS POST?



"I don't know what happened to me", Rose burst out during our happy hour. "I don't know why had I become so insecure, so obsessed with Rick." Rose was trying to control her emotions, her tears. "I hate myself for being this way. I seem to revolve my world around him. I think for him first before I think for myself. And now with this insecure feeling, it's driving Rick's further and further away."

It took me by surprised as Rose has always being the happy girl. Always so cheerful although I did noticed that she has become kind of quiet and not as 'happy-go-lucky' kind of friend that I had known since the day I know her.

"What happened? Something must have happened? Tell me?" I hold her hand.

"He's cheating on me. Rick's cheating on me. I feel am such a fool. I had being deliriously happy, believing every word he said. When he told me he had to leave early for shopping with his wife. I believed him. I had never doubted him, doubted his words. Now I realized it's so easy for him to make excuses. Now that I think about it, I am such a fool. I believe every word he said. And it's so easy for him to make excuses. He can said he's home with his wife when he's out drinking with another girl and probably fxxking her thereafter. I am such a stupid, stupid fool Joy. Since the day I found out, I started thinking over and over all the past things that he had done and realizing then that he's cheating on me all the while. And he knew it's so easy to make me happy. He just need to tell me, 'He missed me. He loves me'. And that would have being enough to make me stupidly happy. Oh Joy, he must be laughing each time he said all those sweet nothings to me. Practicing his charm on me and taking me as a joker, a clown, seeing me so stupidly happy, believing every word he said. I just want to curl up and never to wake up to face the world anymore Joy."

I just don't know how to react to this new Rose. This is the Rose that I had never seen. To me, our Rose has always been cheerful, the light of our circle of friends. Always having a good advice for each of us when we needed it. But never she had ever needed any advice before. Rose was the luckiest of all amongst us girls. Her world was filled with love, romance, happiness, when she met Rick. They had being together for past 3 years and each time there's always something good to say about Rick from our Rose. And it always made all of us girls envious.

"How did you found out that he's cheating Rose?" I asked.

"We were out having dinner. And Rick went to the gents. A message came in. And I just casually take a look. And....Joy, I can't even described how I felt then, just reading this note 'incoming message from New Girl!' 'New Girl', Joy. He called her 'New Girl'. I was about to take his phone to read it but I saw him came back. I don't know how I can sit through the whole night, pretending that nothing happened.

"What?" I said. "You did not question him immediately? With the proof on the phone?" I was speechless at Ross for her tolerance. I would had questioned him immediately and make a big scene. But it's just like Ross. Even with her husband, she was also timid.

"No, I didn't question him. I was totally shock. I don't know how I can just sit there and pretend and continue with conversation with Rick. This question keeps going over and over in my mind, 'do I really know Rick actually?’ As I listened to him, all his words somehow don’t had any meaning to me anymore. Every word he spoke seems to be a lie to me. Seems to me, it's just a phoney Rick, practicing his playboy stunt on me. I was his adoring loyal dog, lapping up every word he said. Yearning for just a pat on my head ‘good dog’ and that would have sent me over the moon. “

“Since when was this Rose? How long have you kept this to yourself?” I know Rose is not the kind of girl to unload her problems unless it is really serious. And which is hardly at all.

“It happened on that Wesak Day. Remember I couldn’t make it to the parade because Rick was available that evening. And it’s so difficult for him to be able to come out to late night. It must be punishment for me, for giving priority to this phoney love affair versus doing something pure.”

“Oh don’t be silly Rose.” “Wow and that’s like 3 months ago. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I try to get over it Joy. I try to forget it, I try to make myself believe that am over-reacting. And that maybe in the candlelight dinner restaurant, I might have imagined this ‘New Girl’ message. I try to pretend that everything’s good and well, and that Rick really loves me only, Joy. I just love him so much.” And Rose just let her tears flow. I passed her tissue after tissue as she soaked them up with her broken hearted tears.

In between her tears and sniffing, Rose continues, “Joy, I love Rick. And I am willing to forgive him, as long he doesn’t do it again. But I just don’t trust him anymore. I start suspecting him when he’s away from me. I hate this distrustful feeling Joy. I wished I had not read that message, Joy. I want to be the careful, trusting, confident, happy rose. But she’s gone. “ And she starts another rain of broken hearted tears.

“I see the same thing happening to me again. First was Robert. Then Sam. And now Rick! What should I do Joy.”

“Should I tell Rick what I suspected and my feelings? But I worried that Rick will get angry that I checked his phone and will leave me for her! I am so sure he’s seeing a girl. And what is most hurtful is that it’s the same girl that he’s seeing. And that hurts most, as she must have meant something to him. Rick won’t have time to keep picking up different girls.”

“Or should I just continue to pretend? And hope Rick will gets tired of her and comes back to me? It's so painful Joy, this heartache. And it's because I let myself to fall in love again. Although it's nothing compared to Sam. But I do see a bit of similarity between Robert and Rick now!”

“I had being a wreck since then. I can’t eat, I can’t even work. I just indulged my mind with all kind of scenarios. Scenarios of me meeting him with that girl. And different scenarios of how we'll react to each other if I meet them both. I don’t want to be this way Joy. You know me, am always optimistic. But I can’t control my mind Joy.”

“JOY, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Mammogram VERSUS Thermography

It's good to do some research on this. We have always been advised to do mammogram every other year or every year once touched 40.

But now with this report, should we still do mammogram? Read on.



"Well for starters mammograms expose your body to radiation that can be 1,000 times greater than that from a chest x-ray, which poses risks of cancer. Mammography also compresses your breasts tightly, and often painfully, which could lead to a lethal spread of cancerous cells, should they exist.

"The premenopausal breast is highly sensitive to radiation, each 1 radiation exposure increasing breast cancer risk by about 1 percent, with a cumulative 10 percent increased risk for each breast over a decade's screening," points out Dr. Samuel Epstein, one of the top cancer experts.

Dr. Epstein, M.D., professor emeritus of Environmental and Occupational Medicine at the University of Illinois School of Public Health , and chairman of the Cancer Prevention Coalition, has been speaking out about the risks of mammography since at least 1992.

As for how these misguided mammography guidelines came about, Epstein says:

"They were conscious, chosen, politically expedient acts by a small group of people for the sake of their own power, prestige and financial gain, resulting in suffering and death for millions of women. They fit the classification of "crimes against humanity.""

Not surprisingly, as often happens when anyone dares speak out against those in power, both the American Cancer Society and NCI called Dr. Epstein's findings "unethical and invalid."

But this didn't stop others from speaking out as well. In July 1995, The Lancet again wrote about mammograms, saying "The benefit is marginal, the harm caused is substantial, and the costs incurred are enormous ..."

Dr. Charles B. Simone, a former clinical associate in immunology and pharmacology at the National Cancer Institute, said, "Mammograms increase the risk for developing breast cancer and raise the risk of spreading or metastasizing an existing growth."

"The high sensitivity of the breast, especially in young women, to radiation-induced cancer was known by 1970. Nevertheless, the establishment then screened some 300,000 women with Xray dosages so high as to increase breast cancer risk by up to 20 percent in women aged 40 to 50 who were mammogramed annually," wrote Dr. Epstein.

Safe Screening Methods do Exist: The Benefits of Thermography

But you're not likely to hear about them from your general practitioner. " .... The establishment ignores safe and effective alternatives to mammography, particularly trans illumination with infrared scanning,"

Dr. Epstein points out. Most physicians continue to recommend mammograms for fear of being sued by a woman who develops breast cancer after which he did not advise her to get one. But I encourage you to think for yourself and consider safer, more effective alternatives to mammograms.

The option for breast screening that I most highly recommend is called Thermography.

Thermographic breast screening is brilliantly simple. It measures the radiation of infrared heat from your body and translates this information into anatomical images. Your normal blood circulation is under the control of your autonomic nervous system, which governs your body functions.

Thermography uses no mechanical pressure or ionizing radiation, and can detect signs of breast cancer years earlier than either mammography or a physical exam.

Mammography cannot detect a tumor until after it has been growing for years and reaches a certain size.

Thermography is able to detect the possibility of breast cancer much earlier, because it can image the early stages of angiogenesis (the formation of a direct supply of blood to cancer cells, which is a necessary step before they can grow into tumors of size)."