Can Relationship survived without Trust

HERE’S TO SHARE A SNIPPET OF MY BOOK. AM ASKING IF ANY OF YOU WOULD LIKE TO HELP ME IN CONTINUING WITH A PARAGRAPH OF THIS STORY.

READ TO THE END OF THIS POST AND TELL ME WHAT WOULD BE JOY’S ADVISE TO ROSE AT THE END OF THIS POST?



"I don't know what happened to me", Rose burst out during our happy hour. "I don't know why had I become so insecure, so obsessed with Rick." Rose was trying to control her emotions, her tears. "I hate myself for being this way. I seem to revolve my world around him. I think for him first before I think for myself. And now with this insecure feeling, it's driving Rick's further and further away."

It took me by surprised as Rose has always being the happy girl. Always so cheerful although I did noticed that she has become kind of quiet and not as 'happy-go-lucky' kind of friend that I had known since the day I know her.

"What happened? Something must have happened? Tell me?" I hold her hand.

"He's cheating on me. Rick's cheating on me. I feel am such a fool. I had being deliriously happy, believing every word he said. When he told me he had to leave early for shopping with his wife. I believed him. I had never doubted him, doubted his words. Now I realized it's so easy for him to make excuses. Now that I think about it, I am such a fool. I believe every word he said. And it's so easy for him to make excuses. He can said he's home with his wife when he's out drinking with another girl and probably fxxking her thereafter. I am such a stupid, stupid fool Joy. Since the day I found out, I started thinking over and over all the past things that he had done and realizing then that he's cheating on me all the while. And he knew it's so easy to make me happy. He just need to tell me, 'He missed me. He loves me'. And that would have being enough to make me stupidly happy. Oh Joy, he must be laughing each time he said all those sweet nothings to me. Practicing his charm on me and taking me as a joker, a clown, seeing me so stupidly happy, believing every word he said. I just want to curl up and never to wake up to face the world anymore Joy."

I just don't know how to react to this new Rose. This is the Rose that I had never seen. To me, our Rose has always been cheerful, the light of our circle of friends. Always having a good advice for each of us when we needed it. But never she had ever needed any advice before. Rose was the luckiest of all amongst us girls. Her world was filled with love, romance, happiness, when she met Rick. They had being together for past 3 years and each time there's always something good to say about Rick from our Rose. And it always made all of us girls envious.

"How did you found out that he's cheating Rose?" I asked.

"We were out having dinner. And Rick went to the gents. A message came in. And I just casually take a look. And....Joy, I can't even described how I felt then, just reading this note 'incoming message from New Girl!' 'New Girl', Joy. He called her 'New Girl'. I was about to take his phone to read it but I saw him came back. I don't know how I can sit through the whole night, pretending that nothing happened.

"What?" I said. "You did not question him immediately? With the proof on the phone?" I was speechless at Ross for her tolerance. I would had questioned him immediately and make a big scene. But it's just like Ross. Even with her husband, she was also timid.

"No, I didn't question him. I was totally shock. I don't know how I can just sit there and pretend and continue with conversation with Rick. This question keeps going over and over in my mind, 'do I really know Rick actually?’ As I listened to him, all his words somehow don’t had any meaning to me anymore. Every word he spoke seems to be a lie to me. Seems to me, it's just a phoney Rick, practicing his playboy stunt on me. I was his adoring loyal dog, lapping up every word he said. Yearning for just a pat on my head ‘good dog’ and that would have sent me over the moon. “

“Since when was this Rose? How long have you kept this to yourself?” I know Rose is not the kind of girl to unload her problems unless it is really serious. And which is hardly at all.

“It happened on that Wesak Day. Remember I couldn’t make it to the parade because Rick was available that evening. And it’s so difficult for him to be able to come out to late night. It must be punishment for me, for giving priority to this phoney love affair versus doing something pure.”

“Oh don’t be silly Rose.” “Wow and that’s like 3 months ago. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“I try to get over it Joy. I try to forget it, I try to make myself believe that am over-reacting. And that maybe in the candlelight dinner restaurant, I might have imagined this ‘New Girl’ message. I try to pretend that everything’s good and well, and that Rick really loves me only, Joy. I just love him so much.” And Rose just let her tears flow. I passed her tissue after tissue as she soaked them up with her broken hearted tears.

In between her tears and sniffing, Rose continues, “Joy, I love Rick. And I am willing to forgive him, as long he doesn’t do it again. But I just don’t trust him anymore. I start suspecting him when he’s away from me. I hate this distrustful feeling Joy. I wished I had not read that message, Joy. I want to be the careful, trusting, confident, happy rose. But she’s gone. “ And she starts another rain of broken hearted tears.

“I see the same thing happening to me again. First was Robert. Then Sam. And now Rick! What should I do Joy.”

“Should I tell Rick what I suspected and my feelings? But I worried that Rick will get angry that I checked his phone and will leave me for her! I am so sure he’s seeing a girl. And what is most hurtful is that it’s the same girl that he’s seeing. And that hurts most, as she must have meant something to him. Rick won’t have time to keep picking up different girls.”

“Or should I just continue to pretend? And hope Rick will gets tired of her and comes back to me? It's so painful Joy, this heartache. And it's because I let myself to fall in love again. Although it's nothing compared to Sam. But I do see a bit of similarity between Robert and Rick now!”

“I had being a wreck since then. I can’t eat, I can’t even work. I just indulged my mind with all kind of scenarios. Scenarios of me meeting him with that girl. And different scenarios of how we'll react to each other if I meet them both. I don’t want to be this way Joy. You know me, am always optimistic. But I can’t control my mind Joy.”

“JOY, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Mammogram VERSUS Thermography

It's good to do some research on this. We have always been advised to do mammogram every other year or every year once touched 40.

But now with this report, should we still do mammogram? Read on.



"Well for starters mammograms expose your body to radiation that can be 1,000 times greater than that from a chest x-ray, which poses risks of cancer. Mammography also compresses your breasts tightly, and often painfully, which could lead to a lethal spread of cancerous cells, should they exist.

"The premenopausal breast is highly sensitive to radiation, each 1 radiation exposure increasing breast cancer risk by about 1 percent, with a cumulative 10 percent increased risk for each breast over a decade's screening," points out Dr. Samuel Epstein, one of the top cancer experts.

Dr. Epstein, M.D., professor emeritus of Environmental and Occupational Medicine at the University of Illinois School of Public Health , and chairman of the Cancer Prevention Coalition, has been speaking out about the risks of mammography since at least 1992.

As for how these misguided mammography guidelines came about, Epstein says:

"They were conscious, chosen, politically expedient acts by a small group of people for the sake of their own power, prestige and financial gain, resulting in suffering and death for millions of women. They fit the classification of "crimes against humanity.""

Not surprisingly, as often happens when anyone dares speak out against those in power, both the American Cancer Society and NCI called Dr. Epstein's findings "unethical and invalid."

But this didn't stop others from speaking out as well. In July 1995, The Lancet again wrote about mammograms, saying "The benefit is marginal, the harm caused is substantial, and the costs incurred are enormous ..."

Dr. Charles B. Simone, a former clinical associate in immunology and pharmacology at the National Cancer Institute, said, "Mammograms increase the risk for developing breast cancer and raise the risk of spreading or metastasizing an existing growth."

"The high sensitivity of the breast, especially in young women, to radiation-induced cancer was known by 1970. Nevertheless, the establishment then screened some 300,000 women with Xray dosages so high as to increase breast cancer risk by up to 20 percent in women aged 40 to 50 who were mammogramed annually," wrote Dr. Epstein.

Safe Screening Methods do Exist: The Benefits of Thermography

But you're not likely to hear about them from your general practitioner. " .... The establishment ignores safe and effective alternatives to mammography, particularly trans illumination with infrared scanning,"

Dr. Epstein points out. Most physicians continue to recommend mammograms for fear of being sued by a woman who develops breast cancer after which he did not advise her to get one. But I encourage you to think for yourself and consider safer, more effective alternatives to mammograms.

The option for breast screening that I most highly recommend is called Thermography.

Thermographic breast screening is brilliantly simple. It measures the radiation of infrared heat from your body and translates this information into anatomical images. Your normal blood circulation is under the control of your autonomic nervous system, which governs your body functions.

Thermography uses no mechanical pressure or ionizing radiation, and can detect signs of breast cancer years earlier than either mammography or a physical exam.

Mammography cannot detect a tumor until after it has been growing for years and reaches a certain size.

Thermography is able to detect the possibility of breast cancer much earlier, because it can image the early stages of angiogenesis (the formation of a direct supply of blood to cancer cells, which is a necessary step before they can grow into tumors of size)."

Letting Go - "On Children" by Kahlil Gibran, Persian Poet

Gosh...how time flies. We are already into the 2nd half of 2011. I remembered I wrote in January "Sisters - Chee Muis are forever" that I be back. That's 6 months ago. So here I am, telling myself I will write more regularly.

And to get back into momentum, I share this poem which I think is good reminder to learn to let go. Parents constantly worried about their kids and for some, never let go. Just like my mum, till now, she still teaches me how to mop the floor, clean the house. Maybe she's a 'clean freak' that she's just consumed with cleaning and cleaning the whole day long. She still calls me almost every night to ask if I am home. That's parents that had not learn to let go.

And I can see that I am also doing the same to my kids. Does your parents do the same? And you to your kids too?

Enjoy the poem.















"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable."