Married Men has Mistresses. Now Married Women are keeping Mister!

We all heard and talk about how some rich ladies, the 'tai tais' or the 'Datins' that keeps toy boys. Well, this article below confirmed that time has certainly changed. If you remember my posting 'TO CHEAT OR NOT TO CHEAT', it's almost the same case. Our Grace, the typical housewife is contemplating of this 'young hairstylist', Prince to be her toy boy :-). And judging from all the support given in the comments posted from all of you readers, am sure Grace is very much tempted. Am just curious, has she had her first taste of sexual escapade yet?

And would any of you reader (ladies I meant), be tempted to 'keep a Mister'? For first timer, there's always the fear and excitement of been caught. The advice given in this article is that you need an alibi :-). So get your girlfriends hook on to the idea too, IF you are in it already or contemplating.

To me, women being women, there's always the danger of getting emotionally involved. So far, I have yet to hear of any women that said they could just have sex continuously with this same guy without getting emotionally involved. Unless, it's just a one-night stand and how many one night stand that any women or men can find. Be prepared to have heartaches as well as I believe women somehow are still possessive. Doesn’t matter they are cheating, they still want their ‘mister’ to be faithful, all the more if you are keeping this toy boy comfy. I would IF I am doing that!

Here's to more liberated sex for all women this new decade, in this 21st century! Enjoy the article.

To read more, just COPY & PASTE this link :
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article6975683.ece



""We discuss the rules of keeping a male mistress, more precisely, a “mister”, in her 4WD during shopping expedition in a smart provincial town. It starts snowing, the engine runs, the heated seats warm the rear of her expensive jeans. She’s tall, dark and good-looking, as much through gym sweat and impeccable grooming as genetic good fortune.

She’s friendly, sweet almost, and buzzing with positive energy. When she talks about a series of intensely physical and largely unemotional relationships with men, she makes it sound demure and ladylike. Even when she is saying something like, “My lovers have to be good-looking and fit. You know, intelligent and fun to be with, and very good at oral sex.”

Jilly has echoes of Vera Farmiga’s character, Alex, in the new George Clooney film Up in the Air. The sexually assured executive aces the similarly no-strings-please Clooney character with the line: “Just think of me as you, but with a vagina.” When he falls in love with her, it is only to discover she is married with kids. Farmiga says she loved the Alex character because, “when a female character is so demanding and unapologetic [sexually], she usually lacks some dignity. It was cool to see someone who was completely self-possessed, had class, had depth and yet was operating in a very masculine way”.

Jilly does not see herself as acting in a very masculine way — rather, as creating the best possible situation to preserve her happiness as an individual, and as part of a well-enough-functioning family unit. “I have a comfortable life, I have a kind husband and lovely children. Why would I hurt them? My husband’s a difficult man, but I am happy. We share our long-standing in-jokes and rows, we are great friends. Every other word bar love describes our marriage.”

Sex with her husband is both rare and unexciting, but she remained completely faithful to him until, quite unexpectedly, she had an affair with a slightly younger widower she plays golf with. “It was liberating, but it was also dangerous. Very consciously, I knew this was good for me. Not long after calling time on the affair I started looking online. I love men, I love their company, yet as a stay-at-home mother you find your only social life is with your kids or girlfriends. But much as I do enjoy getting the odd lovely text from a man, really the only reason I do this is for the sex.

“In choosing a man I am measured and calm. What I want are peccadilloes, not a full-blown affair. You need to find someone you can get to know and feel comfortable with, because things get better when you know someone. I met a lot of men, some just weren’t experienced enough — I never wanted to be a Mrs Robinson figure. Others thought they could handle a married woman, but they’d start feeling guilt, worry and fear of my husband’s shotgun. It’s a delicate balance. You need the chemistry, but you have to watch it — if the chemistry is too good then you will feel like you are falling in love. When the sex gets very intense it tends to seed emotional ties.”

This avoidance of too much emotion seems a key rule in the decorous affair. As one man I know says, “I love a dalliance with an older married woman because they have more to lose than me. We are also wise enough not to get too attached.”

So does Jilly ever feel guilty? “Initially I felt very bad about deceiving my family. I find all the subterfuge awful. Then I thought, sod it, you’ve been an unselfish devoted mother and corporate wife for years. Now I think it does me good, makes me a more pleasant person the rest of the time. If I had a decent sexual relationship with my husband, I wouldn’t do this.”

In the 10 years since she started her extramarital affairs, she has told only one friend, a fellow adulteress, and they provided each other with alibis. Other alibi opportunities come in the form of having genuine hobbies. “You can’t just suddenly make up a new time-consuming passion though, that’s going to look suspicious.”

Mostly, though, she sees her lovers not too frequently, less than once a week, and when her husband is away. She has also found that younger men are the best option. “They have no interest in emotional ties, they are safe, and they are far more likely to consider a woman’s orgasm as important. And they have hair.”

The field of infidelity is a wide one and includes anything from paying for sex to full-blown, head-over-heels, second-life lovers. In Jilly there is a calculated, masculine steel we do not generally associate with feminine love. But there is also a strict and respectful gentleness and respect for preserving the integrity of her love for her family, her husband, and, indeed, herself. In her we see the masculine laws of the mistress redrawn in a more tender feminine way. It is hard to judge her.

THE OTHER SIDE

Arran is a carpenter in his early twenties and got involved with married women when they started brazenly approaching him at gyms. “I don’t want a relationship, and married women are uncomplicated. They know exactly what they want. Some women say they aren’t married, but there are telltale signs — they compartmentalise their lives. Generally they are in their thirties or forties, their husbands have got out of shape or lost interest or are simply not adventurous enough for their wives.

I was in a sporty gang at school, and most of us are at it with married women. To an extent they pass us around. I don’t care. I’ve got two on the go at the moment, one for six months, the other a bit longer. I don’t let them buy me presents. Married women already tend to be very dominant, and I don’t want them having a hold on me.”

Arran’s rules of the game:
(1) Don’t let them control you
(2) Never contact them unless they ask you to
(3) Don’t get hung up about when you are going to see them. Be adaptable and be available during the day
(4) Let them take the lead and tell you what they want
(5) Don’t take it seriously. It’s fun, just enjoy the sex; in my experience, it’s a lot better than any single girl of your own age is going to give you

Asian Woman 'Live Life' again

Remember 'Cathy' from my posting of "Asian Women's Resilience to Adversity' and subsequent post of "Superwoman Wives, Lazy Husbands'. Well, I just got good news that Cathy has moved out, taking her kids with her. After years of frustration, she finally took the courage to move out. She moved to her mum's house. Her mum is so happy for her and is so ever willing to have her back then to see her daughter suffering. Kudos to all mums who'll always protect their kids, young or old.

Cathy has endured her husband so much. She suffered in silence all his abusive words as she has been worrying that her sons will stand up to the father and in so doing a fight will starts between dad and sons. The last straw finally happened when her husband snatched her purse to take money from her, after she told him that she has to keep the money for Chinese New Year. And when he found that she has money in her purse, he hit her for the first time. Cathy just can’t believe that it happened, she was so emotionally estranged. Cathy cried in silence, feeling that it’s a shame to tell anyone that she was hit. But Cathy was smart; she knew that once her husband started to raise hand at her, it would happen again. So Cathy planned quietly on moving out with her sons. And finally in early January, she and her sons moved out. Of course, her husband called, begged her to come back, saying that it will not happen again. But for once Cathy was firmed.



And after moving out, Cathy was feeling lonely, sad, confused, sorry for herself and guilty. Guilty because she left her husband who now has nothing - no job, no family, just an empty shell of a home. But we all know time will heal all pains (well, almost all pains). Cathy soon adjusts herself in to her new home at her mum’s. She starts seeing all the opportunities.

She has offer to be a 'housekeeper' for this young couple with 2 young kids. This couple will be going to a Middle East country for overseas posting. I thought that was good since she has been looking after the couple's kids for past 6 months. She is now taking care of 3 young kids, which gives her opportunity to stay home. Cathy’s 3 boys are already old enough to take care of themselves, the youngest already going to college. So moving away to have a change would be good for her. She confessed to me that she felt left out when compared to all her friends. That at age of 48, she has not even taken an airplane. I told her it's never too late.

And of course, when a 'single' woman that is still attractive and is now available, sex definitely comes into picture. So here comes a neighborhood friend, 'Dick' that is now chasing after her. Cathy has gone out with this Dick and Dick is a nice guy but it's just that Dick is married. And Dick has the reputation in this town of been a 'Casanova', an 'opportunist'. Cathy feels flattered from the attention given by Dick. And Dick certainly knows that what she needs now is for someone to woo her, to make her feels like a woman again, to pamper her. So Cathy is thinking of going all the way as she's been deprived of all these wooing and most of all 'sex' for so long. It has been 5 years since she last have sex. And she definitely is ready and in need of a good man, good sex.

But Cathy been a conservative woman, deprived from all the fun of life, is hesitant. Almost like our Grace in my posting of 'To cheat or not to cheat?’ So what advice would you give Cathy? Don't you think she deserves better? And that she shouldn't feels guilty at all? But is Dick the right man to break her celibate life with Dick's reputation?

Also, do you think it's a good idea for her to leave to a foreign land although she will be with the family that she knows? I just felt that she has just found her freedom and there's still a lot of adjustment for her.

Long Live Big-Butt Women!

Found an interesting article in ThirdAge that said:

LONG LIVE BIG-BUTT WOMEN! Why? Because a new study out of Oxford University in England found women with "pear-shaped" figures with ample extra padding around the hips, buttocks and thighs are actually at a lower risk for heart and metabolic diseases.



So now those curves are making cardiologists smile. "It is shape that matters and where the fat gathers," said Oxford's Dr. Konstantinos Manolopoulos, explaining that fat stored on the hips and in the rear absorb harmful fatty acids and further prevent arteries from clogging.

"Fat around the hips and thighs is good for you, but around the tummy is bad," he told BBC News, noting that the proverbial "spare tire" around the belly leads to higher incidences of heart disease.

The findings help explain why women traditionally have lower rates of heart disease then men until they reach menopause, when their rates rise as they begin to gather fat around their midsections.

"The only thing I can say is that women who have large thighs shouldn't be anxious about it," Manolopoulos said. "Their body shape is associated with health."
Scientists believe genetics play a large role in where a body stores fat.

SO LADIES, NOW YOU CAN PROUDLY WAGGLE YOUR ASS :-)

Which is your choice? "Dxxk", Chocolate or Wine?

Someone just asked me to write this on my blog. It’s about her decision when she was given a choice. She has been into this relationship for three years already. Sex life is still exciting. One of the evenings, she was surprised when she was greeted at the door with his naked man, standing with his tempting ‘Dxxk’. And on the right of his ‘Dxxk', he is holding a delicious looking, tempting piece of her favourite chocolate whilst on the left of his ‘D’, he is holding a glass of wine.



Now what do you think which of the 3 she will choose first?

She said she will tell her choice after she has seen all the comments (hopefully there are as many comments as the previous posting).

To cheat or not to cheat? Lust vs Common Sense!

Let me tell you of this story of a young lovely woman. Let’s call her Grace. She’s married with few young kids. She’s extremely lovely and still young, still has that high sexual adrenaline pumping in her. And there’s this husband of hers that has taken her for granted. Spending all his time in his work, only did the usual courtesy gestures during birthday, anniversary and going for short holidays with kids during the school holiday. And of course, our lovely woman feels neglected, lack of attention, lack of love and husband, burdened with the responsibilities of children’.

And then, like all love or ‘lust’ story, we have a charming young man who happens to meet this lonely, neglected woman. Let’s call him Prince. And guess what, our Prince is her hair stylist. You can imagine how wonderful it is to have man running his fingers over your hair, not to mention after been neglected so long, lack of that soothing touch. And so from setting appointment for hair wash, hair color, hair perm, hair steam…anything to do with the head’s hair, it soon transient to having a coffee after the appointment, lunch. And of course, both exchange personal information, Prince unloading his thoughts, his feelings and our Grace too, unloading her loneliness, her been neglected. And soon one thing leads to another, opportunities presented itself, Prince kisses Grace and the fire of lust begins to build up, initiated from a small glow.



Sanity somehow stops Grace whom realizes that it’s wrong. And that she has a lot to lose by satisfying her lust. And so Grace told Prince to hold off. But having tasted the fruits of passion, Grace since then, has been pinning for Prince, has been day dreaming, lusting to taste that passion again. Lust has a way to make a person lost interests in everything. Day in, day out, night in, night out, Grace can’t seems to concentrate on anything but that moment of ‘passion’ with Prince. Grace still goes to Prince for her hair stuffs but has since cut off those coffee times. And Prince has been a good boy, although occasionally still tempts Grace with a short sms like ‘I miss you’.

What would you advise Grace to do? Grace's an avid follower of my blog and she appreciates your advise.

Common sense tells her to forget it but lust as usual is stronger. Otherwise why do we have Presidents, Ministers, MPs all involved in sex scandals? Grace knows she’s not going to leave her family for this Prince. It’s not about love. It’s also not just about lust, but maybe they did find something common in each other, that both are lonely. And to get over this lust, maybe Grace should just do it and forget about it thereafter?

PS: I have to put a qualifier here, that Grace’s husband has cheated on her, not once but twice which he acknowledged, not as in admitting but in making up to Grace. So does that qualify Grace to cheat too?

Is it Ok to Tell a White Lie? If it's for the Right Reason?

This article “A White Lie, for the Right Reason, May Be Just Fine” certainly hits home. It is so true what AARP's relationship expert Pepper Schwartz, said that white lies are gender-specific. “Women tend to lie about how much things cost because they often take it on themselves to keep costs down in the relationship and believe men are ignorant about how much things cost for women. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to lie about work because their egos are tied up in their careers and if things aren't going well, they don't want to look weak or unsuccessful,” she says.



I remember how my friend, Mandy use to keep her shopping’s in the car boot when she saw that her husband is home. And she will smuggle them into the house only when her husband is not around. Why Mindy does this? To her it’s just to avoid her husband exclaiming ‘shopping again?’, and he will then proceed to lecture her on her shopaholic behaviour, on whether she needs another blouse/dress, another pair of shoes, or another set of cosmetic, etc.

Although we argued that she’s not using his money after all she’s working and has her own income. But Mandy still prefers not to let him know what a shopaholic she is.

Then there’s another friend, Zana, who will also raved to her spouse what a great sale it was. And she will show off to her spouse her purchases, marking down each of the prices by another 20-30%.

For me, it’s my mum that I need to lie on the prices of my shopping. Having worked hard in her young life, never been extravagant, my mum would have a fit when she knows the real price of my Prada bag, or my Gucci bag. Or even just a simple Calvin Klien’s t-shirt.

And whilst most men are ignorant about how much things cost, I am blessed that my darling knows how much prices has escalated over the years and how expensive things have become. Hence, he would understand if I am to tell him that a household branded g-string, with that tiny bit of cloth would cost RM35!

As to it been difficult for men to tell their spouse that things are not working well with their career, my friend, Cindy too felt the same sometimes. She can tell me if things are not going to well in the office or if she’s stucked with some issues that she can’t solved. But Cindy just can’t tell her boyfriend about it. To her, her boyfriend has already placed her on this pedestal, admiring her for her intelligent and proud of her achievements, that she thinks that it will lower her image to her boyfriend if she admits her work problems to him that she’s just stressed and just can’t cope.

For Cindy, she prefers to have her boyfriend continue to be infatuated with her achievements, to continue to admire her abilities.
Is it the right way or wrong way? I would think that as long they are happy and they maintain peace at home, I suppose it’s ok to continue with these ‘small’ white lies. I called it ‘small’ as it’s not hurting anyone. It’s only hurting when the shopaholic gets out of control and starts getting into debts. Then that’s a no no.

For more reading, copy and paste this link :
http://www.thirdage.com/marriage/a-white-lie-for-the-right-reason-may-be-just-fine?page=0%2C1&utm_medium=email&utm_source=nl_relationships-love_20100114&utm_campaign=thirdage

Superwoman Wives, Lazy Husbands

I remember a posting that I did dated Sept 12, 2009, titled ‘Asian Women’s Resilience to Adversity’. There I wrote about ‘Cathy’ who had to cope with a husband that has not been working for past 8 years. And how she has then been working to support the whole family whilst the husband continues to enjoy a stress free life, just ‘lepak’ around whilst the wife is slogging away.

And since then, over the past couple of weeks, I hear more stories from friends of how some of their friends are also facing the same situation - caught in this dilemma of having to cope with ‘under-performing spouses’. The Cantonese has this saying of ‘loi yann umm pah koon, chui pah ka choh long’. Meaning ‘Woman has no fear of poverty, just fear of marrying the wrong man’. And it is so true.



There’s story of this lady, ‘Swen’ that has to cope with her husband that laze around the house, with no motivation to chase for sales (he’s in sales line). Sleeping on the couch every noon in front of the kids, which is not a good example. Kids be growing up thinking that women are the ones that are working, rushing around from sending kids to school, to cooking, household chores, not to mention working. Good thing is that Swen’s working in sales, which gives her flexibility. And then there’s ‘Jinny’, who has to put up with husband asking her for money. Where he could have tried harder to chase to business. But he didn’t because his wife is working and if there’s always money when he needs it.

To these husbands, life is good. There’s security of a home. Food is ready on table. There’s always cold drinks or snacks in the fridge. Children are there to call him Dad without him having to support them. And if need of any cash, just ask the wife. Or in one of the case, the husband just took cash from her purse without even asking her. I am so disgusted with that idea.

So what has happened to the conservative, traditional Asian men that have traditionally being bringing home the doug whilst the wives stayed home to tend to the family. And these same Asian men are the ones that are telling the wife that ‘she has no right to question him where he goes as long he brings home the doug’. These Asian men that considers themselves as the ‘King of the Home’, that when he said ‘one’, no one dares say ‘two’. Is that just a ‘myth’ now?

As for the women, how did all this come about? Why do women have to put up with this? Are women to blame for just letting it happen? For just accepting it? No, I think it’s because of the way Asian women are been bought up. From young, Asian family inculcated in their daughter to always put their family first. That daughter has to always look after the family face value. That ‘divorce’ will bring shame to the family. And ultimately, it’s because Asian women somehow still do not believe in divorce when the kids are young. Despite all the education and the Western influence, Asian women somehow still do not believe in single parenthood. That’s why most Asian women will endure till their kids are grown. If by then, they aren’t already been reduced to an unhappy, depressed, unhealthy, old woman. Will it be too late then?

LIVE SIMPLE – Men Who Jump the Picket Fence

Reading an article ‘Men Who Jump the Picket Fence’ reminds me of this year’s resolution ‘to live simple’. It tells the stories of few couples that live the American Dream: having great jobs, owe spacious homes in prominent areas. But finally, realizing that in reality owing these spacious homes are not as easy as it seems. Money not necessary solves everything as one needs time and interest to maintain these spacious homes. One couple has to keep a spreadsheet to list down all the things that need to get fix. Another has his neighbour mowing his lawn as the neighbour can’t stand the sight of the grass in his garden (actually I wish my neighbour would do that for me :-))



Over here in Asian countries, most mature parents too are now down sizing their homes. When kids were young, spacious homes are good to give space to everyone. But once the kids grown, graduated and leave to live their own lives, parents are left with empty rooms, silence filling the home that once housed the sound of little running feet and laughter.

This brings me back to my childhood. I remember how I envied families that lived in big spacious homes whilst am living in a ‘village’ house that’s made of half bricks and half wood. And when I finally have a decent nice terrace house, I next start admiring the semi-dees, the bungalows and start thinking when would it be next that I move into one of these spacious houses with their lovely Balinese gardens and little ‘feng shui’ fountains. Now as I read this article, it brings back memories of what some friends have confided before, ‘that they wish to have smaller houses’. Of course at that time, I was just thinking my friends certainly don’t appreciate what they have.

Being married young, I have the advantage of kids leaving to seek their own fortunes earlier then most of my friends. So now, I too realized that I don’t need spacious home anymore. Even now with four of us at home, it’s extremely quiet as each of us are busy with our own activities. As I matured, I learnt that there are more things in life that are more important then owing material things: big car, spacious home, branded goods, luxury 5-star holidays, etc. What matters most to me now is time - I treasure time: leisure time, stress less time, travel time, book time, carefree time, time just for myself. I look forward to the time when I don’t need a maid, when I can just keep the house clean with just an hour of household chore, with no 2nd floor.

That’s why this year’s resolution and my life’s resolution from now on is "to live simple".

It’s an interesting article, copy and paste to read more.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/07/garden/07men.html?emc=eta1

Add one more resolution this 2010 - Have more sex!

I was just going to start my new posting, to recap on the1st week of the new decade when this article caught my attention, "New Year's Resolution: Have More Sex".

READ THIS AND YOU WOULD AGREED THAT YOU DEFINITELY NEED TO ADD THIS "HAVE MORE SEX" TO YOUR 2010 LIST OF RESOLUTIONS/GOALS. FORGET ABOUT EXERCISE. THIS IS MUCH MORE FUN. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE :-).

Apparently, a yoga instructor Sadie Nardini and her husband got an early start on their New Year's resolution. The New York couple decided to have sex every day for the entire month of December. Their initial intention of daily sex was to help them overcome his-and-her bad habits: cigarettes and chocolate, respectively. And not only it does that but they also found that frequent sex made them feel better in other ways, too. Both slept better and had more energy, and she didn't get a cold or the flu all month as she usually does in the winter.

How to Pick Up Beautiful Women, Then Go Straight to Bed!: Dating Advice for Guys Who Want To Have More Sex
And the experiment was so successful that the couple plans to have daily sex in this month too. Researchers have long known that not only is sex fun (when done with the right person, of course), but that people who have frequent sex tend to enjoy:

1. A longer life
2. A healthier heart
3. Lower blood pressure
4. Lower risk of breast cancer
5. Lower risk of prostate cancer
6. Pain relief
7. A slimmer physique
8. Better testosterone levels
9. Fewer menopause symptoms
10. Healthier semen

For more detailed article, copy and paste this link:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/01/07/sex.health.benefits/

In parting, I shared this quote from Dr. Irwin Goldstein: "You can't help but say, 'Holy God! Sexual activity is a very important thing to do. Human beings were really meant to do this."

‘FITTING INTO OLD JEANS’ IS ‘BETTER THAN SEX’!

Latest survey of more than a quarter of British women thinks that fitting into old jeans is 'better than sex'. The poll by cereal Special K also revealed that 30 per cent of women fantasized more about slimming back into their trophy jeans than about Hollywood heartthrobs. More than a third (35 per cent) of those surveyed admitted owning a pair of ''trophy'' jeans they used to fit into and kept in the hope they would slim down enough to wear.



The survey showed that on average women own five pairs of jeans, with 10 per cent of women claiming their jeans have outlasted their longest relationship. Laura Bryant, from Special K, said: ''Women hold a deep attachment to that one pair of jeans, which they know they look and feel great in.

'They use them as a benchmark and a great motivational tool when slimming and it doesn't matter how old the pair is. ''This research shows the sense of euphoria and the endorphin rush women get when they achieve their goal of fitting back into that one special pair of jeans is even better or on a par with some of the other great pleasures in life.'

Opinions Matter surveyed 2,200 women online last month. For more info, you can copy and paste this link :

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6906839/Women-think-fitting-into-old-jeans-is-better-than-sex.html

So would Malaysian women really think that way too? Yes I would want to be able to fit into my ‘favorite jeans’. But compared it to sex, don’t think I trade that with jeans ☺.

Carpe Diem? Maybe Tomorrow

‘Carpe Diem’ – from dictionary it means ‘encouraging one to make the most of present time and give little thought to future.’

It may sounds odd, but there is actually a widespread form of procrastination — ask the airlines and other marketers who save billions of dollars annually from gift certificates that expire unredeemed.

Remember how our parents used to keep all the beautiful and expensive tablewares for special occasion only! How we keep our most sexy lingerie’s for that special occasion. Or how we put our gift vouchers into wallet or drawer, telling ourselves that the expiry date is not due yet but to discover later that it has expired!

So this New Year, make the resolution to cash in your gift vouchers, drink that special bottle of wine, wear immediately what you bought, take out all your beautiful tablewares, redeem your frequent flier miles or take that vacation you always promised yourself.

If your resolve weakens, do not succumb to guilt or shame, acknowledge that you are: “a recovering procrastinator of pleasure.”

And the next time when you receive a voucher gift, use it quickly and tell the giver how much you enjoyed it. It’ll be one of the best presents you can give back to the giver.

Any interesting story to share on ‘Carpe Diem’?